


Diary of a Detective Prince(ss?)

by C_Andor_D



Series: Detective Prince(ss) [1]
Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Awkward Romance, Canon Compliant, Complete, Diary/Journal, F/M, Fluff, Mild Smut, Slow Build, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26241508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_Andor_D/pseuds/C_Andor_D
Summary: Set during the events of Persona 4 Golden. Told largely from the perspective of Naoto as she navigates identity, romance and taking responsibility for her own future.The underage tag is dubious, but because Naoto is 16 and Yu is 17ish,. There are many scenes exploring the sensations of a previously aromantic, asexual teenager discovering her identity as that changes. There is only one explicit romance scene (chap 9) which is smutty in tone but fairly tame in activities.This is set around moments later in her romance arc in-game, including some story scenes, so there are incidental spoilers for plot points.
Relationships: Narukami Yu/Shirogane Naoto, Persona 4 Protagonist/Shirogane Naoto, Seta Souji/Shirogane Naoto
Series: Detective Prince(ss) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2158662
Comments: 81
Kudos: 142





	1. A Surprise Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I know, I love Kanji as much as the next person, but I really loved Naoto's romance arc, so this is gonna be all kinds of fluff and angst and smut (later) about her and protag, who is Yu in this telling. 
> 
> I'm new to japanese honorifics/pronouns, so if I make any errors, please let me know so I can fix in this and future chapters. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

If only for that knife. 

The young detective ran her fingers through her short hair, the strands parting like lies before the truth. Yet like so many other truths in her life, this one had turned out to be little more than a farce. 

She paused, elbows on her desk and hand planted firmly upon her forehead. _Do not get overwhelmed. Panic is the enemy of reason._

The young woman took a deep breath, letting the air that filled her lungs calm her, and straightened her back. Sitting up straight, she nearly appeared big enough to fit her stately oak desk. 

_Focus, Shirogane. Go over the facts. Method, opportunity, motive. Only then will you have the truth you seek._

She closed her eyes briefly, remembering the scene, picturing it in her mind. 

It had to be the knife. 

She had known it would be the case, for it would be the only thing to match the previous pattern. No one who knew the significance of those items would have gone next to the pocketbook...

She paused in her musings, and made a quick note in the margins. _Pocketbook- significant location? Clues on knife?_ It would be an obvious location, no doubt... 

"Ugh." She sighed heavily. t would likely elude her until the next clue was revealed. Yakushiji had presented her with one more envelope, but it felt wrong to open it without... 

_Focus, Shirogane!_

Her eyes closed once more, as her mind continued retracing the steps of the day. 

They had gone to the shrine... together. It took her a moment or two to detach the significance of that fact in her right brain from her left. 

_Again._

They had gone to the shrine together. Senpai had followed her along the stone path, until they saw the black suited man by the Yashiro. She knew right away, of course. His disguise was poor; enough to obfuscate his identity to a stranger, perhaps, but not to a detective. Certainly not to a Shirogane. 

Just as she had opened her mouth to speak, he had turned and presented the knife from his jacket. _He knew it's juvenile nature. Was he simply playing the role of phantom thief? Or was he intending to simply hand it to me, knowing the game was up?_

She couldn't say. Nor did it matter, for the moment he saw the knife, Senpai had leapt in front of her, shielding her. 

That moment sat so clearly in her mind. There was true danger, but not from the so-called phantom thief. That man was simply the estate secretary, Yakushiji, and the knife he held was a child's toy. A radio, shaped like a knife- nothing more. 

No, the danger came from Narukami-senpai. Where Yakushiji was older, Narukami was young. His strength had been proven to Naoto in battle after battle, his sword as deadly as his persona. This was a man who would face down any danger in his path without hesitation to defend his friends. 

He was young, intense, confident, in very good shape... 

_No. Focus. What happened next?_

Yakushiji had dropped the toy and fled. She knew then how this mystery would end, but a new one had emerged as suddenly. 

The danger had passed, and she had managed to hold herself together long enough to explain the knife to him. As soon as he had relaxed, she exploded. She nearly threw her hat at him out of rage. 

"What if the knife had been real!? You would've been in grave danger! Rrrgh... You're always like that!"

It had been so frustrating, so upsetting. Every detective novel she read featured hard-boiled heroes who could handle any situation, who knew instinctively what to do. She thought she was like that. She _was_ like that, usually! 

To be in that moment, with that man that stirred insecurity and confusion in her very core, and have him leap in front of her like she was some... defenseless girl? It was so demeaning! 

And yet... 

"I can't imagine becoming a woman only to have a man protect me!"

She had said it, though even in her mind the doubts were creeping in again. The evidence was piling up. A case was being made for a new deduction, one she was certain she would not find comfortable. Did that...

Did that make it bad?

"And yet... you always..." 

She had been shaking, much to her shame. How did he do this to her? How could he inspire such fragility in her, make her feel so... _exposed?_

"Why...!?"

She blinked her eyes, resetting her eyes upon the page in front of her. It was no pocketbook, but it would do. 

She reached for her pen, and began to write the next part of her daily case journal.

_Description: Confession by Narukami Y. in defense of reckless action. Statement cannot align with...  
_

A few second passed. Her pen did not move. 

_Was it so incompatible?_

She recalled when she had received that letter from a young girl in her shoebox at school. He had been there, had heard her comments on the needlessness of romance. That it was nothing more than a distraction that clouded the mind. 

Senpai had agreed, had he not? Yet, merely days later at the riverbank, he stated he was "glad she was a girl." 

The statement had irked her a little at the time. It rang too harmoniously with the sort of judgements she had hoped to avoid. That, by chance of her birth alone, people would focus not on her deductive prowess but on her... her femininity. Her womanhood. Something entirely out of her control, that threatened to dictate every conversation she ever had in her intended career. 

_Yet you enjoyed it._

The voice in her head came as a surprise, cold and clear. She took a few deep breaths and reminded herself that it was her own mind, her own realisations, and she must be careful not to dismiss the stray observation. She had spent so much time dismissing such thoughts, dismissing the potential that there was anything about her that might enjoy those attentions. 

That time in the television world changed that. 

Was that voice Sukuna-Hikona? Or was it that other her emerging once more, amber eyes glowing, oversized lab-coat hiding the feminine body developing underneath?

It was both, and yet it was neither. _I am thou. Thou art I._

So that thought, that recognition, was also her, and therein lay the new mystery. 

_Senpai... loves me?_

She hadn't known what to say, if anything at all. She was... happy. Very happy. 

That was what her heart told her. 

If that was the case, then maybe it was no lie at all. Maybe this wasn't a case to be solved, but instead, another new path to who she wanted to be. 

Her cheeks burned red again as she began to write once more. 

_Senpai confessed._

She re-read those two words a few times... and then giggled. How many times had she discussed a 'confession' in this book, and it had always made her smile. 

Why should this time be any different? 

_I see no reason to disbelieve him. The question remains: What do I tell him?_

The embers of her smile still warming her cheeks, Naoto signed off the book and closed it. She let her fingers tousle her messy blue hair once more, and then leant back in her chair. Her heart was pounding. For the first time in a long time, her men's uniform itched and pulled at her, suddenly ill-fitting. 

_Senpai confessed... to me._

She had to see him again. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 11/22/2011

_Active cases:  
-Inaba Television Homicides  
-"Phantom Thief"_

_No progress on ITH case. Awaiting news on recovery of Dojima R. and Dojima N. Namatame T. remains in custody, but inaccessible._

_Phantom Thief case resolved- identity as suspected. Man in suit was decoy acting on behalf. Final item only loose end._

_New cases:  
~~Intentions of  
Mystery of  
How to feel about ~~  
Truth of Narukami Y._

_Description: ~~Confession by Narukami Y. in defense of reckless action. Statement cannot align with~~  
Senpai confessed. I see no reason to disbelieve him.The question remains: What do I tell him? I will ask him to talk with me after school tomorrow._

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
**


	2. Careful Consideration

Naoto's feet pounded up the stairs and along the carpet, the door to her room punctuating her footsteps like the last bullet in a clip. She threw her hat into the corner and flung herself onto her bed, her chest heaving with each laboured breath. 

After a few moments to catch her breath, she rolled over. 

"What were you thinking, Shirogane?" 

Her muttered words reached no ears but her own. She reached up to her face, all her tension coming out in a low groan that was masked by her hands. 

"Er anyway, that seems to be the truth." She drawled in a mocking tone. "Foolish!" 

The admonishments continued under her breath as she hauled herself up, but the room only waited silently for what she would do next. 

Her hands dropped away. 

She grinned. 

_Senpai... and me. Us._

An old piano melody accompanied her thoughts as she pondered it. 

_I'm dating Senpai._

She cast herself back again, laughing softly. Of course, the evidence had been there, but to think he would... and she might... and they could... 

So what if she was being childish. So what if this was frivolous? She was alright with that. 

_"I'm a woman... I haven't yet become the detective I wanted to be..."_

That's what she had told him. He had accepted both. 

_"I love you."_

She'd told him that too. Perhaps she had been somewhat hasty to soften the declaration immediately afterward, but Narukami-senpai had simply smiled. No matter how embarrassed she had felt, she had told him, and he had accepted her.

After that... oh, after that. All the embarrassment and awkwardness in the world hadn't been enough to take the joy of the moment from her. She had sat there with him atop that hilltop, sharing words of no consequence, unable to be robbed of their newfound knowledge. 

He had stood close to her as they looked upon the town. So close that she could feel the warmth of him behind her. His breath had tickled the back of her neck, and his hand had found hers as it rested upon the railing. 

Every second she recalled carried shivers down her spine. Never had she so wished to forgo the bindings she wore. To be dressed in something other that the Yasogami High boys uniform, with it's winter jacket protecting her from the cold. Protecting her from his touch... 

Naoto chuckled to herself and rolled upon the bed. She'd never had a boyfriend, never even considered it. Certainly not since she had decided to take a man's path in life. Now, the moment she was comfortable to try womanhood, he was there. 

_No. That's backward._ She was comfortable to try womanhood, _because_ he was there. Senpai and the others were so supportive of her, no matter what she dressed like. She had even started to consider the occasionally... concerning actions of Teddie and Yosuke-Senpai as a safe trial for what it would be like being a woman professional. 

Kanji-kun still seemed to be... uncomfortable with being around her too, but she knew that was far less to do with herself than his own struggles. She could sympathise. The girls had been far more welcoming, and had helped her to know she could be strong, and a woman. 

Narukami-Senpai, though... never was she as simultaneously comfortable and uncomfortable in her life as she was around him. 

He calmed her, supported her, and yet... he stirred things in her. Being caught in his eyes made her feel electrified, terrified, like a raw nerve was constantly exposed. She found herself analysing every single glance of this strange, calm boy, every gesture, trying to ascertain his intentions. Was that flick of his hand a signal? Did he want me to come closer, or to go away? Did he look at me then? When he turns away, is it because he feels uncomfortable looking at me? 

Does he think about me like I think about him?

So long, she had forsaken romanticism for the pulp heroes of her detective novels. She had never been the femme fatale, nor the dame who walked through the door. No, she was the detective, blinds casting shadows over a tired face, hunched over the desk or lurking around the dark street corners.

Yet if she was the detective, he was... what? A partner? A fellow policeman, on the case with her? Was he the twist in the story, the dangerous confidant who she needed to work with the find the truth? 

_No._ Her mind whispered the answer to her in a voice like hers, but much silkier. 

_He is the streetlight lighting your midnight streets. He is the bar that you always return to when it all gets too much. He is the cigarette case that deflected the bullet aimed at your chest..._

_And maybe, just maybe, his is the one that found your heart._

She flicked open her eyes, regarding the ceiling as it if might bring her some truths she was yet to discover. _He makes me feel valuable being a woman, not_ because _I'm a woman._

Maybe that was it. Maybe gender didn't need to matter. Maybe he just liked... Naoto.

Slowly, she rose and made her way to the desk. Her fingers glided over the leather bound surface of her case journal, absent direction while her mind was so lost in thought. 

On autopilot, she sat and found today's page, began writing. Her pen scratched across the page, her precise handwriting completely accessible even as her mind continued it's journey. 

She paused as she reached her latest 'case'. There were definitely developments, but she would be nothing more than a child if she were to write the details of her crush. This wasn't _that_ kind of journal.

 _Not crush. Relationship._

Her cheeks burned again with the thought. Smiling, Naoto withdrew the pocketbook from her jacket and looked at it. 

The game her grampa had designed... it was so childish. She had worked so hard to rise above the condescension, and yet... grampa was right. It had made her happy as a child. Even now, going through the game with Senpai... it had been fun. He had never looked down on her, never treated her like a child for all of these things. 

She loved him for that. She felt like she could be herself... and hopefully, that would be enough. They hadn't yet spoken about that, actually...

 _Does he prefer it when I speak more like a girl?_ She wondered what that would be like. 

She looked around as if expecting a hidden observer, and then cleared her throat. 

"Good evening, Senpai."

The voice that lacked her usual rasp, but came out remained low. She couldn't imagine anyone calling it 'girly'. 

"Good evening, Senpai." 

_Better. Is that... my real voice?_

A deep breath. _Try it like Rise-san._

"Good evening-" 

_No! No, that won't work at all. Maybe... like Yukiko?_

She gathered herself, and tried one more time.

"Hello, Senpai. How does this sound? Do you find this more... appealing? 

The facade worked for a moment. Her eyelids fluttered closed, a soft smile painted upon her face... and then it all fell down again. 

_So much for accepting yourself._

The inner voice was right, of course. She was not excited about being a woman for him, but that he didn't judge her less worthy because she was a woman. She didn't need to be like the others, just herself... even if she was someone who took a child-like glee in mysteries. 

Her fingers tapped on the cover of the pocketbook as she explored her feelings. It was OK to feel that youthful joy again. It didn't take anything from her achievements, from her abilities. He saw that. 

_Maybe I should get him a gift, to thank him for helping me._

She mused on it for a moment longer, before realising what the perfect gift might be. A youthful grin split her face. She quickly finished off her journal, meticulously putting it away, but leaving the pocketbook. 

Desk cleared, she rummaged around the room, gathering what materials she needed. Her eyes roamed the collection, the ghost of a childhood smile warming her face. Then she grabbed her phone and began to text. 

**_R U FREE AFTR SCHOOL 2MORO Y/N_**

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 11/24/2011

_Active cases:  
-Inaba Television Homicides  
-Truth of Narukami Y. _

__

_No changes to ITH case. Fog level concerning- why now? Multiple attempts to access Namatame T. denied. ~~Frustrating.~~ Will continue attempts._

_Explained Phantom Thief to Narukami. Accepted Yakushiji's explanation. Assisted in finding pocketbook. ~~Agreed to continue working relatio~~ Plans remain to socialise outside Investigation Team. _

_Accepted my confession._

__

_New cases: N/A  
_

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
**


	3. A Badge of Appreciation

_This feels odd. I feel odd._

She sat in the tiny room, her pencil silently scratching upon the pages of the Detective's Pocketbook. She hadn't written in it for years, so was surprised at how calming it was to once more mark the yellowed pages. 

Still, she would eventually have to leave. 

Her breathing was slowing down. That was a fact. That meant the anxiety was probably settling, didn't it? 

She wished there was a mirror so she could see if her pupils were dilated. 

_It's time, Shirogane. Man up._

It only took a second or two to recognise what she had just said to herself. Immediately, she felt guilty for falling into old habits, and corrected it.

 _Fortify, Shirogane. You can do this._

She took a deep breath. Pocketed the book next to the small envelope in her jacket. Rolled her neck, savouring the cracks of released tension. Adjusted her binder. 

Took another deep breath. 

Stood up, flushed, and left the bathroom. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Narukami was waiting by the stairs as she emerged. She avoided his eyes, and the strange energy they carried, focusing instead on the ground. 

"Ah.. Senpai. Right. S-Shall we... go to your room?"

He nodded, and lead the way up the stairs. 

_Thank god! No comments..._ She sighed in relief. 

"You took a long time. Are you okay?"

Naoto froze mid-step. _Curse you Narukami! Why are you so direct and tactless!?_

She felt her cheeks burn like the mid-summer sun as the demon of embarrassment clawed it's way up her spine. 

"F-fine, Senpai! I j-just... um..." 

She trailed off awkwardly, mortified that he would comment on how long she had spent in the bathroom. _Do I explain that I was writing notes and gathering confidence? Does that make it_ better!? 

She settled for cowardice, saying nothing more at all, and they walked up to his room in a silence so heavy it could have altered local gravity. 

Never had 12 steps taken so long to ascend. 

They stepped into Narukami's room, and he made his way across to the couch immediately. Naoto instead took stock of her surroundings. 

It was for investigative curiosity. 

It _certainly_ wasn't as a staying measure to avoid meeting his gaze. 

"I see... so this is where you live." She commented, trying to sound casual, her eyes scanning the room for anything that might help her feel comfortable again.

It wasn't... without identity, but the room did not match Senpai. Some things seemed out of place, and she wagered those things were the things he had brought with him from the city. Things like that garish calendar, or the small fleet of origami cranes on his desk.

"I can see furnishings here and there that don't match your taste... these are temporary lodgings of course. Judging form the position of your TV, you regularly watch the midnight channel from..."

"Why don't you sit down?"

Naoto froze again. _You're like a perpetrator caught holding a knife when the police arrive. Calm yourself down! He's just a boy._

"Oh, sure..."

Her attempts to settle her nerves seemed futile when she met his cool, blue gaze. _Surely he can see how flushed I am? Does he think I'm scared of sitting next to him? That I'm childish and can't bear the embarrassment of being close to a-_

The floodgates of panic were closed by Narukami gently smiling at her. He patted the couch next to him.

"Hm!? There!?" 

He nodded, the smile fixed upon his face. 

"Err.. that's... a bit close..."

She knew she was blushing furiously, and wanted desperately to find somewhere quiet and alone where she could release any of the tension that was building in her. If she was a kettle, then he had just calmly removed the steam valve and placed her back on the heat. 

_Naoto!_ Her mind chastised her for the metaphor, before she realised it had been half a minute since he had asked her to sit down. 

Swallowing her discomfort, she moved to the couch and sat beside him. 

_I can_ feel _him beside me!_ She must have been this close to a boy before, surely. It didn't feel like it.

"Er, anyway..." She began, with as much confidence as she could muster. "I'm sorry for intruding like this... I-i wanted to give you something."

He raised an eyebrow, but little else. _He is so patient! Does he know how unsettling that is!?_

"I.. err, made this." Her left hand delved into her jacket pocket in search of the envelope. Her fingers brushed the cardboard texture of her pocketbook as she did so, and it calmed her nearly as much as actually writing in it had done. 

She bowed her head and offered the envelope. 

"Please accept it."

Narukami took the envelope from her hand and opened it. Naoto herself remained with head bowed, mustering her confidence one more time. Surely this was okay. She had already confessed to him... more importantly, he had done so to her. 

He wanted to date her. He _was_ dating her. They were dating.

 _Focus, Shirogane._ The familiar voice drifted through the smokey back alleys of her mind. _You are Naoto Shirogane... and that carries with it no shame._

She inhaled through her nose, and then convinced her mouth to continue. 

"I haven't crafted anything like this in some time. If I went back to the estate, I could have added a camera and a transceiver."

Narukami held the badge in his hand, inspecting it. The word 'Detective' was written on it in precise black lettering. If she had given herself more time, she could have made a few more tweaks... but it had been important. She needed to do this.

"Oh," she remembered suddenly, "but it flashes!" She reached over and pressed the hidden button, and a bright flash of light came from the hidden LEDs she had installed. 

She reached into her other pocket, producing an exact copy with a self conscious smile. "I made myself one to match."

He kept looking over it, but hadn't said anything yet. Doubts crept in through the silence in the air.

"Dont laugh... or say it's stupid or childish... okay?" 

Narukami finally turned his eyes to her again. She scanned for signs of scorn, her grey-blue eyes searching his face. Rapidly taking in any clues she could find in his icy blue eyes... his strong jaw... his soft lips with just the shadow of a smile... the slight warmth in his cheeks...

It took her longer than it should take any 'master of deduction' to realise she had stopped looking for ridicule and started simply checking him out. She blushed again, seemingly unable to keep the blood rush from her face. 

"Thank you. I love it."

His voice was a balm upon her soul, soothing her beyond measure. Her face broke into a grin completely independent of her mind. 

"The title of "detective" became a burden to me... I thought I had no other aspects apart from the detective self. But you gave me a reason to be, as neither adult or man. Senpai... being with you..." 

Even saying that was enough to flood her with endorphins, her body thrilling at the fact that she was 'with' Senpai.

"I felt I was glad to be a detective. And..."

She had been rather indecisive over whether this was worth mentioning. However, if honesty was the main policy, it could not be avoided. 

"D-do you find the pitch of my voice strange?" 

For once, he seemed surprised by the question. Secretly, she was still a little surprised herself. She had no idea what she even _wanted_ him to say. 

He tilted his head slightly, as if to shuffle his own thoughts. "Whatever you prefer. I wouldn't mind it higher, but it's not up to me."

 _Well I know one thing. He sure can reply to a question without providing an answer. He would be hard to interrogate._ He had summarily failed to provide her with any clarity or guidance, which was maybe the least helpful way he could have answered. Yet... he had also let her know that he would be comfortable with whatever she wanted. 

It was quite considerate, really. 

"I... I see. I mean... good. I'm glad you accept me." She didn't want to just leave it at that though. _I might as well try it out._

"Um... what if I... I tried..."

She tried to remember back to the previous night, more specifically to the voice she had been happier with. He didn't need to know that she had spent half an hour trying to find the 'best' version of a feminine voice she could. 

"How's this?" The rasp was all but gone, the pitch higher, the tone more expressive. It didn't feel as false as she had expected. 

_Logically, the deeper voice was more of an affectation than this. Maybe that's why it doesn't feel wrong?_

"Hmhm, it's rather embarrassing, actually." She studied her hands in her lap self consciously. "I never thought I'd get use to sounding like that. People change, I suppose."

She looked back up to him, smiling gently. _He's really quite handsome._

"I think I'll grow to like this new me."

It felt... good. Like the foggy alleyways of her mind were clearing up in a morning sun. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Finally."_

_She heard the voices in her mind once more, that of her own thoughts. Those ones she used as a detective, the childish ones that she had hidden for so long, the feminine ones she had run from. The voice of the Shadow and of Sukuna-Hikona and the Naoto Shirogane she showed the world, all melded into one, all sighing in relief as she accepted herself finally._

_It felt like she had been born anew._

_"You have accepted who you truly are, and as such I am renewed."_

_The combined voices spoke again, seperate from her waking mind. She saw a flash of Sukuna-Hikona, as if he was floating before her... but he looked different. Very different._

_"My name is Yamato Takeru. I am thou, and thou art I."_

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her Persona's visit was as a fleeting dream, that was chased away by the break of day. She blinked sharply, focusing once more on Narukami as he watched her intently. 

He seemed to know what she had just seen. 

She let out a brief chuckle. "This potential... was still dormant within me..." 

Of course it was. Accepting ones-self and being comfortable with it were two very different things. 

She looked back to... well, her boyfriend, letting that acknowledgement warm her heart as well. 

"I wasn't considering the things that I should have. The people who care about me, as well as my own self. The detective, the child, the woman... the 'me" who existed before them..." 

As Naoto looked up at him, sitting on the couch... she truly felt there was nowhere else she should be. Nor anyone else she should be. That thought, simple though it was, brought her more comfort than she could articulate.

"I am... simply myself." _Darn, he's giving me butterflies._ She could feel her heart beating, could feel tingles all over, caught in the glare of his brilliant eyes, raw, exposed... happy. 

"I'm glad to have met you." 

Narukami smiled back at her with his strange, perpetually calm demeanor. _He is truly a strange man. When I first met him, I thought he might be a sociopath. He seems to treat everything with the same quiet intensity, and every emotional response looks almost... practiced._

_Now that I know him, though... it's his eyes. It's subtle, but you can read him in there. Maybe... Maybe I am the only one who sees this? I want to be the only one. Small dilations of the pupil, a slight tilt to the brow... Wah, what!?_

She started, feeling something against her leg. Looking down, it was... just his leg... against hers...

"Y-you're quite close."

He said nothing, but he didn't move either. His leg was warm... and his hand was on his lap, just like hers. Mere centimeters away... 

_All I want to do is take his hand. Or for him to take mine. Either would be fine, really, I just... darn, this tension..._

He only continued with those intense eyes, that gentle smile, while her stomach anxiously backflipped away.

"Ummmm... I'm not sure how to put it... the puzzle of my emotions has been solved already, but...."

Shirogane Naoto found her breath held, slowly releasing as their questing fingers found each other and interlaced. His touch, holding her hand... such a small thing, but fireworks were erupting within her very soul.

"I love you."

His fingers squeezed hers, his larger hand holding her own with such delicacy, providing such comfort. 

"I love you too, Naoto-kun."

 _Such a simple declaration._ She mused, holding his gaze and hand with equal fervour. _Why do I feel so turbulent inside? It cannot be just this touch... am I having an allergic reaction?_

She began to panic, considering all that she had eaten over the course of the day, until a gentle pull from Narukami brought her back to her senses. 

Everything was fine. He just... made her feel this way. 

"Senpai..." She uttered softly, timidly. 

In response, he simply reached over with his other hand, taking her own and holding it close. 

"It's okay. If you like, you can just call me Yu."

_Huh? His... just... like that? If people hear me, then they'll know... and if they know, then... I'm his._

_...and he's mine._

She sighed in resignation to her heart, and balanced his name carefully on her tongue like a loaded gun. "Oh.. all right... Yu."

If she had been looking anywhere other than her lap, she would have seen perhaps the most emotive smile he had offered in some time. 

"So, I suppose... I should probably head back to my house? I'm sure you're very busy... I should look over the case anyway, there might be something we've overlooked that could help..."

Her flustered rambling was interrupted as he reached up to her head. 

"Naoto, can I look at your hat?"

"Huh?"

She froze, shocked once more by the strange request. "My... my hat?" 

He nodded calmly. 

"Oh... um..." She extricated her fingers from his own, and reached up to it, somewhat protectively. 

"I... okay." 

She took off the hat and handed it to him. In the brief moments he inspected it, she was already paranoid again. _What is it? Is he planting a camera there? Or looking to see if I had? I could, of course, but I can't tell him that! He'll think I already did..._

Even through her anxiety, it didn't take her long to realise he wasn't interested in the hat. His hands reached back to her, and he ran a few fingers through her hair, curling the short locks behind her ear. His fingers brushed her scalp as she sat, completely paralysed by the attention. His gaze was serious, completely unreadable.

After a moment or two, Yu smiled at her again. 

"You have cute hair."

"C-cute?" 

After a few moments, the attention-prompted panic began to subside again, and she lightly elbowed him, trying not to be embarrassed by his laughter. 

"You are intolerable, Senpai. You can't keep doing that to me!"

He only laughed harder, prompting her to look back at her knees. Thankfully, they were not shaking. 

"I have no training in this... my heart can't handle it."

The words came out as a sullen murmur, robbed of all authority by the sheer turmoil in her mind. 

_All I want is him to touch me like that, but I can't even handle it for a moment without breaking down. He must think I'm a foolish child..._

Her thoughts began to spiral, until they were suddenly slowed by a new sensation. 

A growing radiant warmth, triggered by Yu reaching out and wrapping her in his arms. She felt completely embraced by the older boy as he pulled her entire body into the hug. 

"It's okay." He muttered, his breath hot on her scalp as he spoke into the crown of her head. Her hair tickled her neck in the breeze of his voice.

"I won't let go of you until you're ready."

She shivered slightly, her nerves reacting to his words in a not unpleasant way. When she replied, it was scarcely more than a whisper into his shoulder.

"What if I'm never ready for that?"

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That evening, Naoto sat on the edge of her bed, processing the day. Narukami had walked her home, leaving at the gate so as not to prompt comment from her grandfather. She had eaten her meal quietly, unsure if she would be able to keep the secret to herself. Her grandfather was not the sort to pry, given she might be on a case, but even so, he was a detective. 

And her heartbeat was deafening.

Now, she had only to make her usual case notes before going to bed. She had a half finished Hamett book on her bedside table, but she had been out later than usual and anyway, she wanted to go to bed. 

She wanted to be able to lie down with these thoughts and nothing else as soon as possible. The case journal, perhaps, but nothing else. 

"Yu..." She mumbled to herself, the smile spreading across her face like wildfire. 

_He asked me to call him Yu... and he's calling me Naoto. Just Naoto. I like that._

She quickly moved to the desk, absentmindedly scrawling down her notes from the day. 

_I suppose I should close the case of his feelings, then?_

The thought was almost incidental. Did it matter? It could be open or shut and never matter, they were dating! Naoto held back a chuckle of sheer glee, before continuing her writing. Signing off, she put the book back in it's drawer and began getting ready for bed. 

_I was in his bedroom! Maybe he's getting into bed as we speak? No, that can't be right. He is always a little absent in the morning, and often has crumbs on his shirt. He oversleeps, which means his late nights are likely regular. The midnight channel probably doesn't keep him up like it does for me._

The musings continued as her hat found it's way to one of her bedposts. She swiftly removed her jacket and tie, and began unbuttoning her shirt. 

_He dresses casually. He probably just sleeps in a t-shirt and loose pants... I wonder how hot it gets in that room? If I had to sleep there...!_

She stopped, shirt hanging open, catching the thought midair. 

_If I slept... with Senpai? With... Yu? I only meant... if I stayed the night..._

She was later astonished at how much she felt she had to excuse her own private thoughts. At the time, she could only feel incredibly embarrassed. Her face lit up like a neon sign, and another shiver ran through her as without any conscious effort, a series of imagined images flashed through her head. 

_Why is it so hot tonight?_ She wondered, trying to distract herself. She undid her bindings, the usual relief that accompanied it bringing instead a different kind of tension. She felt strange, she felt... 

_Focus, Shirogane. It's... okay. He held you until things were okay._

Taking a deep breath, she walked to her closet, her shirt, jacket and bindings uncharacteristically strewn across her bed. Slowly, she reached forward, the cold wood of the handle pulled back to reveal the mirror on the inside of the door. 

Instinctively, one arm came up to cover herself, but her eyes simply locked onto the blue-grey ones in the reflection. They were framed by deep blue locks that could not hide the curiousity in her gaze. Her delicate chin, above the pale skin of her neck and chest. 

She took a deep breath to steady herself, and then released the arm and just... observed herself. The Naoto that she kept hidden. It had been a lot to go to the Amagi Inn and wear only a towel, but somehow... The pants she hadn't yet removed made her feel even more exposed. The mens pants made her feminine features so... obvious. So pronounced. 

She stared, soaking in her own image in a way she hadn't in years. 

_Do you love this person, Senpai? Am I... am I the person you dream about?_

Her eyes unfocused, then turned to find the bed. 

_Is there a part of you that wonders what it would be like to be held as you fall asleep with... with me?_

Her hand moved to her pocket, where she knew her phone was, where she could send him a message... something to know she had a nice afternoon, perhaps. Maybe checking his plans for the weekend, or a photo of her wearing her badge and pyjamas... 

She dismissed them all. She might be love-struck, but anxiety and propriety still held her back in equal measure. Still, perhaps one day...

Perhaps one day he would be there when she closed the closet door. 

All the air in her lungs released in a deep sigh. She continued getting changed to her night clothes, got into bed, and tried to ignore all the heat that burned in her in new and distracting ways. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 11/26/2011

_Active cases:  
-Inaba Television Homicides  
~~-Truth of Narukami Y.~~  
_

__

_No changes to ITH case. Fog remains. Civilian commentary ill-informed but troubling. Awaiting access to Namatame T._

_Narukami Yu case closed successfully. No closing remarks._

_New cases: N/A  
_

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
**   



	4. A Cold Christmas Eve

Naoto strode down the shopping street, confident but wary. Her head was held high, but her eyes darted about the street. Her arms swung comfortably by her sides, but her hands were a little too tense. Her breath was the kind of calm, measured breathing you can only have if you're really, _really_ thinking about it. 

She felt terrified. 

There was, of course, little reason for her fear. She was simply going to Narukami's house for Christmas eve. It certainly hadn't been haunting her by the hour since he invited her a few days ago. 

She hefted the backpack in what she hoped was a confident way as she passed Aiya. _Not far now, Shirogane. You're almost in the clear._

She didn't know why she was expecting to run into one of the team. It was Christmas eve, after all, and she had gone home after school, so enough time had passed for everyone to disperse. Surely, her friends would be spending it with their families?

The only thing making her suspicious was a gut feeling... and perhaps, there was nothing more potent when it came to suspicion for Naoto. The Shirogane instinct was ignored at your own peril. 

Still, she had passed Tatsumi Textiles without a hitch. Yukiko would be occupied at the inn, Yosuke and Teddie at Junes, and she had passed the Satonaka residence on the way from her own already. 

_And yet this doubt gnaws at me like moths on an old coat._

She sighed in irritation as she continued down the street. Past the Shiroku store... even she seemed to be closed up for the afternoon. Marukyu Tofu was still open, but if she just walked past confidently...

Then, with all the subtlety of a brick through a window, "Naoto-kun?"

The detective prince froze, and then very slowly pivoted to notice Rise in the alleyway beside her family shop. Something about her shop uniform made her hard to spot, which would have made sense with any other girl but not Rise. After all, this was Risette- possibly the most famous person you might expect in Inaba, and a simple white shirt and headscarf shouldn't change that. The young idol was holding a rubbish bag, a fact which seemed to embarrass her as much as Naoto being spotted had done. 

She shifted her weight awkwardly from foot to foot. Suddenly, the bag felt very heavy. _Please don't ask me about it!_

"G-good afternoon, Rise-kun!" Naoto exclaimed excitedly. "Would you look at that, who'd have picked that I'd see you here!" 

_Foolish, Shirogane! If this was reversed, you would be instantly suspicious! Everything about you is screaming guilty right now!_

Rise seemed perplexed, her delicate brows furrowing slightly and her head tilting to inspect the tofu shop, then back to Naoto. She placed a hand on her hip as she stared back at her friend.

"At my grandmother's shop?"

The breath caught in Naoto's throat. _Why did you say that, Shirogane!? I was hoping she would ignore that..._

She urged her brain to catch up and give her a clever escape from the situation.

"..."

"Yeah..."

"Heheh... I suppose you're right. Well... I should really.."

"Wait a minute!" Rise called out as Naoto tried to leave. She dumped the bag and took a step towards the blue haired girl. "You don't have to go. I can take a moment to chat, you know."

Naoto nodded stiffly. "Yeah... s-sure..." _I'm caught, dead to rights!_

Rise sauntered over, her comfortable strut making Naoto acutely aware of just how _feminine_ the girl was. All that idol training had made every single movement of Rise's precise. Naoto found herself wondering if Rise even knew how much of her behaviour betrayed her background.

"So, where are you off to on Christmas Eve?" Rise sang, melody clinging to her words like honey on a spoon. "Nao-chan hasn't got a date now has she?"

Naoto hoped her flustered smile masked the icy terror gripping her chest. _Narukami, how does this still feel like your fault? I can face down criminals, but someone questions me about you and I fall apart like a beat cop seeing his first corpse!_

"N-no! No date!" She stammered out, frantically trying to breath in a non-suspicious way. Rise raised an eyebrow, as if she was about to question the response, so Naoto barrelled on. 

"I was just going to... Daidara! He sells such great craft, after all, and I... my grandfather... I was getting him a gift." She grinned in what she hoped was a convincing fashion, but saw Rise wince slightly. Embarrassed, she settled for an awkward chuckle. 

"And you weren't going to say hi?" The idol pouted, her entire posture switching from peppy teen superstar to pouting child like an origami swan unfolding. "That's very rude, Naoto!" 

Naoto floundered in a sea of awkward confusion, having no appropriate response. Thankfully, Rise switched the act off as quickly as it had appeared. 

"I forgive you though! It's Christmas eve, after all. A lot of people are distracted. Do you want company?" Her eyes lit up like lanterns. "I could come too, maybe I could get a gift for Senpai? What do you think?"

"Uh..."

"Yes!" Rise's train of thought was clearly running express, and wasn't fussed about leaving Naoto on the station behind. "You're a detective, you could help me pick! Something that really turns his head, you know? After all, Christmas eve is such a romaaaaaantic time! Maybe I can ask grandma if I can leave work early and visit him..."

She was sashaying from side to side now, lost in her own world... or so it appeared, until her brown eyes snapped to the detective's blue-grey ones. There was a knowing look there that made Naoto's skin prickle. 

_Himiko's skill is spotting weaknesses..._

Naoto smiled weakly. "I think Senpai is visiting Nanako at the hospital today. He probably won't be there..."

Rise collapsed into herself again, but this time her eyes retained their animation-like sparkle. "Of course he is! He's so thoughtful. I wish I had thought to do that, poor Nanako..." 

She let out a dramatic sigh. "I can't believe I'm spending Christmas eve alone with my grandma. Not that there's anything wrong with that!" Her course-correction was a little too late, given Naoto had implied she was doing the same with her grandfather. The detective groaned internally, not wanting to go down this road. 

"It's just, it's such a great tie for couples! I'm so used to having people throw themselves at me that not even being asked kinda bugs me." Rise paused, considering, then shrugged. "Pretty silly problem, hey? You probably think I'm some entitled brat now..."

"Not at all." Naoto smiled amicably, placing a hand on Rise's shoulder. "I can only imagine what a change it must be. I've never been in a relationship, I have no idea about that sort of thing. I'm used to not being asked. It's nice enough, even peaceful."

"So... no-one asked you?" _There it is. That deceptive cunning, asking a question at just the right time._

"No, no one."

"What about Kanji-kun?"

"I don't think anyone asked him either." Naoto's response was absolutely deadpan. 

"Right..." Rise scanned her friend's face for a moment, before seemingly giving up. "Well, I suppose if Senpai is busy, there's no point in going to Daidara. He'd be such a great christmas date, too! So supportive, and waaarrrmm......" 

She sighed and fluttered her perfect eyelashes. "Oh well. It's pretty cold, so I should probably get back inside. Have fun doing your shopping!" She turned and pranced back to the store, leaving Naoto floating aimlessly in the cold wind outside. 

She didn't feel a thing through the burning embarrassment she was feeling, but maybe... just maybe, she'd gotten away with it. 

_The perfect crime..._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She rang the doorbell with shivering fingers. The conversation with Rise still fresh in her mind, she wondered what the idol would think if she knew who Senpai was going to be spending Christmas eve with.

The door opened, Yu smiling politely on the other side. He was dressed in his school uniform still, but then again, Naoto could hardly judge. 

"Senpai! Good afternoon!" She chirped politely. 

He grinned affectionately, and then let her in. As she removed her shoes, she scanned the room. 

"Just us?"

"Of course." His reply came as if there was no other way the world could be. "Dojima and Nanako only get let out for tomorrow."

"Oh! R-right!" She gave a nervous giggle, quickly followed by a slight groan at her own foolish question. 

"So... for tonight, it's just you... and me..?"

"Yeah. You've got me all to yourself." 

"Oh. ...oh." She blushed furiously at his charming glances, and followed him upstairs. 

His room was largely unchanged since her last visit. _That makes sense. It's only been a month, and we've been busy. Still, it's your second time here, Shirogane..._

The two major differences were a distinct lack of 40+ origami cranes, and a beautiful cake sitting in the centre of his table. 

"D-did you get that for me?" 

"No." His tone was flat, unemotional even. She didn't know whether to feel validated in her insecurities or offended in her hopes. "It was on sale at Junes. I did hope it was a flavour you liked, though."

_Well that's... still thoughtful._

They sat at the table, and began their date like Naoto began everything with Narukami Yu. 

Awkwardly.

"U-um... it's pretty cold outside!"

He nodded, a slight frown of confusion on his face. 

"Ah... well, uhh..." Naoto gave up, slumping down. 

"I-I'm sorry.... I guess I'm nervous... because, um, we're the only ones here."

Yu's peaceful expression turned more benevolent. "That's what I want." 

_I think I'm melting._ She smiled back at him nervously. He reached across the table, and as she went to take his hand something cold and sharp prodded her fingertips. 

She looked down to see he was not, in fact, offering his hand in a gesture of support, but offering her a fork for the cake.

 _This man is an enigma._ She couldn't help but laugh, and took the less-emotionally-supportive fork. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They only had a small slice of cake before the main meal, but it was incredible. For Naoto, it took her back to times when she was younger and her grandfather would get her whatever cake she wanted for her birthday. The winter holidays were always a busy time for detectives, so Christmas celebrations were often a rushed affair. He had always made time for her birthday though. Right up until she decided she was too old for cake... 

That had been a mistake. She was never swearing off cake again. The conversation had slowed now, so it seemed as good a time as any to move on to gifts.

"Um, I have something for you. I was late because I had to go back home to get it before I came here."

She reached across for her bag and withdrew a small gift box. 

He took it, opening the box and withdrawing a small digital watch. She was rather proud of this one. 

"I customised this watch. It has the normal functions of a digital watch, but... It can also tell you where I am..."

He looked back to meet her eyes, his intense gaze inspecting her every motive. She felt shy, but smiled back regardless. "May I... put it on you?"

He nodded, and she reached over the table and affixed it to his arm. His skin was warm to the touch, and as she pulled back his sleeve she fantasised about running her hands up his arms and across his chest. He was a good looking boy. She hadn't paid much attention to that fact until he had confessed to her, but found herself dwelling on it more and more in the month since. 

He raised his arm, inspecting it and noting the distance monitor. She blushed yet again as she continued. 

"...It's just a toy, though, so it only has a range of a few metres. And..." Her cheeks turned from rosy to crimson as she continued, "j-just so you know, my watch has a similar function." 

She chuckled musically, as fiercely proud of her work and relationship as she was shy of expressing that pride. "My watch can tell me... where you are."

 _And I will try my utmost to ensure I look at anything else for at least a few minutes a day,_ she added mentally. He didn't need to know how much she obsessed over him. 

He tilted his head quizzically, and then asked her point blank, "Are you stalking me?"

"N-no! ...Definitely not... I'm not a..." She paused, considering the question. What defines a stalker? Obsessing over someone, wanting to track their movements, not wanting them to be near other people. All criteria that she met unequivocally. Yet he never seemed to mind. 

That realisation gave her a surprising amount of confidence. _I'm exactly where Rise wanted to be. More than just Rise too- that drama club girl, as well as the basketball team manager have both given Narukami pretty strong eyes in the last few days. Yet, here he is... with me._

She smirked a little, her tone suddenly changing to a nearly unrecognisably feminine tone... sassy, almost. 

"On second thought, maybe I am. I'm always thinking about you." She gazed into his eyes, pouring her heart into her next words. 

"And I always want to be close to you."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The dinner was lovely, but she was too distracted for most of it. Having found a bit of confidence, the conversation flowed more comfortably and she found herself laughing, even joking with the strange, intense boy. It was incredible how much she felt her body reacting to him, his words. A joke would double her with laughter, a smile would make her face burn with a shy joy, and his eyes made her hot under the collar in ways she had never really experienced before. 

In short, it gave her enough confidence to give him the other 'gift' she had thought of. It had taken surprisingly long to get it all organised and fitted, but the look on his face when she said "Let me go change" was worth every moment of effort. 

She stepped out and made her way to the bathroom. She knew the house was deserted, but it felt weird to change in the hallway. As she did so, she questioned once more why girls didn't get more cold? Her knees felt freezing, for one. A jacket and pants was so much more comfortable. Still, in the mirror, she wondered if she couldn't understand some of why Senpai might find it attractive. 

Might find _her_ attractive in it.

She reluctantly left her hat on the carefully folded pile of clothes, tried to organise her hair into something cute, and then went back to Yu's bedroom. 

She couldn't help but stand strangely, her legs squeezed together as if to hide her body beneath the skirt. _I never felt the need to stand like this when I just wore trousers!_ Her head felt cold too, the phantom pain of wearing a very comfortable hat for so long now leaving her feel so exposed she simply wanted to run. Still, she would get over it. It would be worth it when he saw her. 

It was now or never. 

"Okay... you can look."

He opened his eyes, and started in shock. Before he could say something, _anything_ that she might find embarrassing, she began to ramble. 

"Yakushiji-san prepared it for me. I know this is what all the girls wear, but, um... isn't the skirt too short...?"

If she didn't know better, she would say his brain had reset upon hearing those words. He shook his head fervently, and then grinned at her. 

"You look cute."

She flushed again, wondering if she shouldn't just paint her face red when she was going to see him to save the trouble. "Please, stop! Don't embarrass me..."

Her cries sounded false even to her ears. She was coming to realise just how much she enjoyed it when he embarrassed her through flattery. She wasn't used to being 'cute'.

The attention made her giggle, but she went on with a stammer. "I-I think I'll stick with my normal outfit... I'd feel awkward all day if I wore it to school."

She giggled again at his disappointed expression, and fixed him with the most alluring stare she could muster. 

"...But I'm happy that I showed it to you." 

He grinned back at her. "I'm happy too." 

_Huh... Yu is kind of a dork._ She mused, giving the skirt one more little twirl. _Not too much, though... or he might see under it..._

_My, I'm going to sound like Yukiko if I don't stop giggling like this._

"Stay here tonight."

The suggestion came out of nowhere, and she stopped flicking the skirt around to stare at him aghast. "Huh!?" 

He only nodded, as if it were the most natural and logical thing in the world to say. _Wait a moment... is it the natural thing? I mean, I_ am _here on Christmas eve, just us... Wait, I did hear him correctly, didn't I?_

"Y-you want me here tonight?" He nodded, eliciting an intake of breath from her as the concept danced across her mind. 

_What is he intending? Staying the night with him... what does that mean? Still, I can't deny that the concept makes me feel as excited as if I was chasing a lead, and I've stayed out late for that..._

Deep down, she chastised herself for underselling it. Chasing a lead made her feel clever, competent, professional. Narukami asking her to stay the night was like someone had installed a power plant in her stomach when she wasn't paying attention, and she was only finding out by them firing up the generators. Her whole body felt electric, her knees felt shaky, her heart was pounding. 

She wanted this. Parts of her wanted it so badly she was afraid to even acknowledge it. 

She smiled nervously, and nodded. "I-I can probably come up with some kind of alibi for where I spent the night..." 

Another shy giggle escaped her, and suddenly she felt once more like a prison escapee caught in a searchlight. _He does such_ things _to me!_

"Should... should I change?"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She didn't change. 

He said he didn't mind either way, but it was one of the few ways she could keep him off balance. Given his effect on her, she felt it was only fair. 

"It is a little chilly though, having my... my legs bare..." Naoto said cautiously. She caught his eye. "Don't look at them like that! I'm still getting used to this. You'll overwhelm me." 

He offered to take her downstairs and they could use the kotatsu, but she shook her head. 

"No... If it's alright, I'd prefer to stay in your room." He only grinned. 

The night had continued much like the dinner. They were both a bit more comfortable, and Yu's calm intensity played off her alternating cold logic and nervous excitement in a wonderfully complementary fashion. It wasn't their first 'date', but it had all of the excitement of that and more. 

He may not have gotten her a gift, but she couldn't claim he had gone to no effort. The cake, the dinner, and then afterwards they watched a crime film he had managed to track down. Where he'd found it she did not know, but 'Moetsukita chizu' was a classic and she was hardly going to complain. 

Not when he pulled the blanket from his bed to throw over them, curling up on the couch with her like two cats on a cold day. 

Not when she got to watch a great film with Narukami Yu's arm around her shoulder. 

Not when she felt his strong embrace pull her closer, until she heard the thump of his heart in his chest. 

Not when her bare legs curled up against him and he rested his hand on her thigh. 

Not when, as the film diverged more and more into a surreal breakdown of Japanese city life, she felt him kiss her on the tip of her ear... and her cheek... and her neck... 

As she focused less and less on the film and more and more on being close to him, she decided she could relive this one hundred times and still not understand how she, Shirogane Naoto, found herself there. 

But she liked it. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The film finished up around 11:30, and though she had no desire to move from where she was, they nonetheless eventually did get up from the couch. 

Her face, shoulder, arm, legs... all felt cold now. The blanket had helped, but those parts of her had been pressed against him and he was like a heater on the chill winter's night... and she was still unused to not having pants on. 

"So... where should I sleep tonight? I don't mind using the couch, or another room if you prefer... I'm not very tall, so I might fit in Nanako's-"

"Not another room. I don't want to touch anything in Nanako's room until she gets back, and Dojima's... No." He shuddered slightly. She had to admit, it would have been a bit weird, but she could have adapted. 

He continued a little more hesitantly, something that was unusual for him. "I don't mind if you want to stay here."

She shifted awkwardly, feeling as exposed as ever. "You mean... you mean here on the couch, right?"

"No, you can use the bed."

"What about you, though?" 

He shrugged. "I would also like to use the bed."

The percussion ensemble in her chest returned from their interval. 

"Are you suggesting you... and I..."

"I'm comfortable with that if you are."

She let out a anxious laugh, and then looked to her feet. Her hands. Anywhere. 

"U-umm... I... I suppose... but unfortunately, I didn't... bring any sleep clothes." 

"That's okay. You can borrow mine if you like."

She ran through a number of scenarios in her head, trying to determine whether she felt comfortable with that. She _wanted_ it, but that was a separate question. Eventually, she acceded. 

"Umm... okay. If you don't mind."

The next half an hour was a whirlwind of anxiety and excitement, largely un-examined by a Naoto that was desperately trying not to read too much into things. 

_Ignore it._

_I'm getting ready to get into bed with Narukami Yu._

_Not like that. Ignore it._

_Would I still want to get ready for bed separately if we lived together?_

_Ignore it._

_We're all alone here. Does he have impure intentions?_

_Ignore it!_

_Do_ I _?_

She groaned through the froth of toothpaste. That, at least, she was prepared for- she always kept a small travel bag of necessities on her. Still... 

She rinsed her mouth out, and then took stock of her appearance. Her blue hair remained uncovered, falling in messy locks across her face like a damn frozen in the process of overflowing. The shirt he had lent her was unsurprisingly huge on her, and given the fact that she didn't sleep wearing bindings, it had... bulged, in places it wasn't designed for. _Curse you Rise for bringing that up. I'm never going to be able to_ not _focus on them now._

Underneath the shirt, she still kept the skirt on. She didn't want to invite scrutiny by walking into her house wearing trousers she had clearly slept in. Alternatively, the thought of asking Yakushiji to drop off a change had mortified her, and unlike the shirt there was no way around the size difference in any of Yu's pants. So the skirt it was. Underneath such a large shirt, she barely saw the point of wearing it, but the very idea of going without...

 _Excites me to the core. But I'm not... not ready for that._ She wasn't even sure what the standard expectation was- television had told her about teenagers, but she had spent so much time with adults that teenage expectations were somewhat alien to her. She already felt like she was overstepping a line by agreeing to stay there... but then again, Yukiko had been all over Narukami on that school trip, and she seemed like a proper young woman.

 _Focus, Shirogane. You're overthinking it._ She took a deep breath, tapping out the tension on her legs. _This will be fine. You're not... doing anything improper. You're just enjoying being young, and... and in love._

There was no doubting that last part. She was definitely in love with him. And she was very excited that she might be sharing her sleep with him tonight. It sounded romantic, more so on top of what had just happened. 

They had shared their first kiss tonight... just before she had gone to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Even now, she tingled from it. 

He had asked her so simply, so directly. "I'd like to kiss you before you go." She felt like her heart had stopped for a moment. She must have nodded or agreed verbally somehow, but all she could remember is wanting him to, and then him leaning in.

His lips had been a little chapped from the cold winds of the day, but they felt warm on her own. His breath was hot, like the steam of an onsen. His hands had taken her shoulders and supported her, which was for the best since she suspected her legs thoroughly incapable of the task. She had panicked and nearly choked on her own breath as she tried to figure out whether to close her eyes or not, whether to hold him back, whether to do any number of things. 

He didn't seem to notice, simply kissing her. 

She melted to a small puddle on the bathroom floor at the memory. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From the moment she walked back into the room until the morning, the two watches simply read 'Distance: <1m".

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naoto blearily opened her eyes. She couldn't remember her room ever being this warm, or the blankets on her so heavy. In fact, everything felt a little funny, but she wasn't quite sure why. It wasn't bad... in fact, she felt as comfortable as she could remember feeling in the morning. The blankets were wrapped just so that it felt as if she was being embraced. 

Still, the light coming through the window was more intrusive than assisting, and she scrunched her face in an attempt to will away the sleep. 

_This isn't my room..._

She opened her eyes once more, the features of the room coming into focus only slightly ahead of her memories. 

_Oh. OH._

That wasn't a heavy blanket on her... well, it was, but more than that. She remembered where she was, and who she was with. He must be behind her, holding her. Things that she had assumed were simply the blanket were, in fact, him spooning her. 

That was his arm across her stomach....

That was his body against her back... 

That was _his_ hand on her thigh, near her hip...!

 _What happened to my pants!?_ A few moments of panicked analysis brought back to mind that she had gone to bed wearing a skirt. She could remember being close to him, cuddling up with him, and then curling into his embrace as they drifted off together, but during all that she had been wearing a skirt. Now...

She could feel it, if she concentrated. It was there, just bunched up around her waist. _It must have moved during the night! This is another reason I don't wear the things!_ She fumed silently, trying to juggle a number of conflicting yet powerful emotions. 

She felt mortified at the thought of him waking up while she effectively had no pants on. She felt very comfortable as she was, and knew that if she shifted too much not only would it ruin that, it would likely wake him too which would bring her back to her first concern. 

She also, somewhat shamefully, felt very warm in specific ways about him touching her there. _How long has his hand been there? Were we sleeping like that?_ Not all of her wanted him to move; in fact, shadowed parts of her brain did the calculations on how easily his hand could be moved, and how to convince the rest of the brain about _where_ exactly to move it. 

Which, much to her personal chagrin, lead to a new type of anxiety. 

_What if he wakes up, and thinks I did this? Thinks I planned this whole thing just to seduce him into getting handsy with me? 'Poor Naoto, tried so hard to be a boy that she ended up with the filthy mind of one!" He'll never look at me the same..._

She lay there, a cauldron of teen hormones and anxiety bubbling away. And if she were a cauldron, he was an inferno to rival the sun, and she felt the heat all over. 

She eventually settled on 'awkward squirm and excuses', a solution which had seen her out of a few too many embarrassing situations with Yu. She shifted, pretending it was simply to get more comfortable, but as part of that she stretched her arms down and pushed his away. 

She even managed to restrain the shudder of want that came from his fingertips trailing down her thigh. 

As predicted, he awoke shortly afterward, and just like that... the tension was gone. 

It shouldn't have been, by all rights. She should have felt even more uncomfortable. Usually, she would have tried to explain to him in far too much detail. Something like, "Oh, sorry to wake you, it's only that your hand was up my skirt, and I needed to move it because it was turning me on, and I've never had that happen before and I was afraid about what might happen and what you might do and what I might do and so I took the safe route which is always the best and probably you don't need me to always explain that part since you're my boyfriend but I'm new to this and I wasn't sure how soon to reveal to you that I have sexual feelings because I only recently felt comfortable with my gender let alone with sexuality.... how are you?"

Instead, she found herself simply rolling over and beaming back at his drowsy smile. "Good morning Senpai. Didn't mean to wake you."

He laughed sleepily, slow and laconic... then kissed her.

His breath was terrible in the morning, but she didn't mind in the slightest. 

_Would it be too clingy to ask him never to stop?"_

She kissed him back, still reveling in the joys of this newfound act, before eventually breaking away. "We should probably get up." 

His response was a low mournful groan. "Why did you have to ruin my morning by saying that? You probably never sleep in, do you?" 

Naoto felt her cheeks redden at that, and buried her head in the blankets. "You know, you're a pretty crappy detective if you think you'll get information by just asking straight out." 

Yu had no comeback for that, so reached over and pulled her into a cuddle instead. The warmth of his arms was worth twenty blankets. Her face was buried in his chest, filling her nose with the scent of sweat and cheap deodorant. Still, she hugged him back, feeling him pressed against her body and curling a leg playfully around one of his. 

He considered her with a raised brow, as if to say, "Oh really?" She only smirked back and hugged him again so he could not see her face. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Eventually, she convinced him to get up. It took her a little longer to convince him to look away while she got changed, but she felt a thrill from doing it in the same room as him. Neither of them commented, but they both privately reveled in the fact that she was half naked for a moment there. _I'm turning into a flirt!_ . 

There was nothing she wanted more than to just stay with him in this private paradise they had magicked up between them, but it was Christmas and they had plans. They agreed to meet at Junes with the rest of the gang, though Naoto did stress that they should arrive separately. She wasn't _quite_ ready to be... well, a couple, in front of the group. Teddie was insufferable enough, Kanji and Rise would both be weird about it for separate reasons, and the other three were gossips. Soon, but not yet. 

Deep down, she just wanted to keep this wonderful new thing to herself for a moment longer. _Is that so bad?_

As she finished packing her bags, she paused, and looked to her partner. "Um... Yu?" 

"Mm?" 

"Do you think I could maybe... um..." 

_Even after all that, you're still bashful._ He waited patiently, the usual blank look on his face. She laughed self-consciously. 

"Heh, w-would you mind if I took that shirt with me? I'll give it back... We might just have to... find a good time." 

Yu's face lit up in a grin. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
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_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 12/24/2011

_Active cases:  
_

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_New cases:  
_

_Signed,_  
**.  
**   



	5. Blessings and Curses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naoto invites Yu back home after a New Year's visit to the shrine, and struggles with the anxieties of developing as a woman and a partner.

_Deep breaths, Shirogane. You're sweating like a thief in a jewellery shop._

The day had been nice so far, after all. She had no more right to be nervous now than on any other day. 

_Still, for a New Years day, it had been busier than usual._

The morning had been spent with her family and the estate staff, sharing a spirited osechi ryori as it snowed outside. She had stayed up too late the previous night, and so was unnecessarily wearied, but it had been a nice time nonetheless. 

Family commitments satisfied, she had wasted no time in messaging Yu. After all, it was New Years, and even though they had all visited the shrine together the previous night...

He had replied promptly, much to her satisfaction. Her grandfather and Kimura the housekeeper had shared a conspiratorial look as she flew out the door, but it hadn't gotten to her. _I'm going to see my boyfriend... my first new years with my boyfriend!_

Narukami was already there when she arrived. Naoto wondered for a moment if she should have worn more traditional dress- she was new to all this, and unsure of the protocol, but if he was disappointed he didn't say it. It was those small touches of acceptance that reinforced her feelings for him, made her feel... 

_...safe. Safe, in my affection._

They even drew omikuji, with... mixed results, admittedly. Even so, it had all felt right. This feeling of love, of partnership that she had never sought out, nonetheless filled a gap in her that she had never known existed. That alone was worth it. 

When he had agreed to come back to her house was the icing on the cake.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite her excitement, she still found her nerves getting the better of her as they approached the threshold to her room. She was a deeply private individual, and relationship or no, this was a big step. 

As they reached the door she found herself forcing a weak grin to her face, ushering her boyfriend into the room with a nervous laugh. _What does he think of it? Of me?_

Compared to his own, it was quite large and stately. She owned a lot of things, relics from her childhood that she kept hidden away within the room, as well as most of her detective paraphernalia. She had no other office, so her room in Inaba had served both purposes. Everywhere one looked, there were books, half finished voyages of scientific endeavour neatly lining the shelves, and stacks of notes on all manner of things.

_I couldn't make an organised space seem more cluttered if I tried. It's not that things aren't where they belong, they just... belong everywhere._

A more omniscient observer might simply comment she had too much stuff.

Feeling quite self conscious about all this, she guided him quickly to the table, closing the door behind them. Future Naoto would no doubt face interrogation for taking a boy into her room with the door closed, but her grandfather was out, and she suspected the housekeeper wouldn't push the matter. 

Anyway. Despite only being a week since she was alone with him, she was already craving his presence far too much. 

Yu sat down, watching her silently as she gestured around like the world's least confident furniture salesman.

"Um... this is my desk, where I do most of my writing... though you likely deduced that... and over here is where I keep my electronic equipment, though I work at my desk usually... I have a mat to protect the surface from... well, it doesn't matter I suppose. A-and here is my bed, where... I..." 

Elaborate explanations for her every daily activity died on her tongue in the face of his intense and soundless observation, her hand twirling lightly in the air, a loading icon for her brain summoning the next superfluous tidbit. Eventually, she slumped. 

"You don't need a tour, do you." It was a statement, not a question. 

He shook his head politely. "Not really. Thank you though."

The detective grimaced. "You... you're welcome." 

Silence fell again for a moment while Naoto tried to remember what her plan had been. _Step one, meet at the shrine. Two, invite him to my house, use kotatsu as lure. Step three, present traditional snack... food!_

"Are you hungry? We had our o-sechi ryori earlier, and there's not much left, but I... well, I made some mochi today in case you wanted to come over?" She hoped he didn't pick up on the slightly panicked note in her voice. _I'm really not good at this... even so, this is ridiculous._

She stubbornly battled the redness on her cheeks, trying to remember he is her boyfriend and it's not a bold decision to want to share food with him. A flash of panic briefly crossed his calm features at the mention of home cooked food, triggering yet more anxiety from Naoto. 

"Is something wrong?"

"Just... some memories of the others' cooking," he croaked out through a haunted visage. It wasn't long before the horror disappeared back into his blank smile. "But I know you can cook. That would be nice."

"Heheh... sure." She chuckled awkwardly, and edged towards the door. "I'll be right back."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Shirogane's housekeeper Kimura bowed as Naoto hurried into the kitchen. "Is all well, Shirogane-san?"

Naoto froze, pivoting about. "Y-Yes! All is well, thank you Kimura-san, I simply.. have you seen the plate of mochi I made this morning?" Her fingers anxiously dug at her palms, hoping there would be no further questions. 

Kimura raised an eyebrow, seeming to mull over several responses before settling on one. 

"Of course, Shirogane-san. I placed it in the refrigerator."

"Ah, of course. Thank you." She rushed to the fridge and withdrew the plate. _All seems in order..._

"Do you need me to bring anything up to your room?"

 _No! No, nothing at all, stay away in fact!_ She wanted to say, but she managed to maintain a little more dignity in her actual response. 

"No thank you," she said stiffly, then added, "I will let you know if I need anything."

Kimura simply bowed again, leaving Naoto to shuffle out of the room and away from the knowing eyes. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When she returned to the bedroom, it was to find Yu idly inspecting her alarm clock. She placed the mochi on the table and went to join him. _Can he tell I've modified that?_

"Welcome back. What did you do to this?"

She smiled. "You have a good eye. I recently installed a motion detector in the hallway- if someone is coming towards my door when it's on, my alarm clock goes off." 

He shot her a surprised look, but she just shrugged back. "My family have always been a little... protective." 

_Is installing a motion detector in your own house strange? Maybe it is... just, after Namatame..._

She looked down at the clock, avoiding his gaze. "I suppose I seem a little silly-"

"It's really cool. Could you show me how to do that?"

His words came out of seemingly nowhere, and the detective blinked, surprised. 

"Oh... um, sure..." Her lips turned up in a smile, and she looked back at him. "I can do that if you like... do you mean that?"

He nodded. 

"Then sure." Feeling a little better, she gestured to the table with it's electric blanket. "For now, let's sit down here. You probably won't need your jacket, I've had the kotatsu on for a while. "

Yu raised a conspiratorial eyebrow, looking a little too much like Kimura-san for her liking. "Are you trying to undress me?"

She blanched. "N-no! Of course not, I-I only... um I was just suggesting-well not _suggesting_ but more... um..."

 _He's making fun of me._ She could tell from the barely hidden grin on his face. 

She stomped her foot, hoping some anger might protect her from her embarrassment. "You're terrible. You know how nervous I get!"

He shrugged off the jacket, (a mite too suggestively if she was any judge), and stepped over to her. She looked almost directly up to meet his eyes. _In other situations, I'd hate how much he towers over me. But it's him... and I kind of like it._

"May I?"

His voice was low, and she could almost feel it vibrate through him at this proximity. "What do you..." she began, until his hands reached for the lapels of her cyan coat. "Oh... um... okay." 

Her voice held just the hint of a giggle, surprised by how flirty this felt. Even though it was the weight of the coat brushing against her shoulders, her arms as he removed it for her, it still _felt_ like it was his touch. She shuddered slightly at the sensation. 

_It's okay to relax with him, Shirogane._

She gave a little lonely sigh at he stepped away, even remembering to fold up the coat before he laid it down. _Just another little touch that shows he pays closer attention than he seems to._ Without the jacket, her argyle vest seemed much more colourful, and she couldn't help but feel a bit more outgoing because of it. He sat down at the table, and she surprised herself by sitting beside him rather than opposite him. She met his inquiring gaze with a shy smile, and together they tucked in to the mochi. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From there, they just ate and chatted. Put somewhat at ease by his gestures and closeness, she found herself opening up a bit more about her own life- specifically, what she did in her spare time. She told him about the books she read, the movies she watched, the little experiments she tried to perform and the gadgets she tinkered with. The more she spoke, the more a profile of Shirogane Naoto built up in her head that she had never really inspected before. Something about explaining it to someone else put things in perspective, characterising her as far more eccentric than she had ever felt. 

He took it all in stride, asking questions here and there that got her onto new topics, adding the occasional comment. He seemed interested in most of it, much to her surprise. She hadn't expected much interest from him, but in retrospect she shouldn't be surprised. After all, this was someone who made vast armies of origami cranes for a hobby. 

At a break in the conversation, she reached across to find the plate was empty. _How long ago was that?_

"I deduce that you enjoyed the food?"

That got a chuckle out of him. "You _are_ a detective. And a great cook- I'm glad it was you cooking for me and not one of the others."

Naoto shrugged. "I hope that's not just for the food. After all..." she began, somewhat self-consciously. "I'm sure any of them would love to be here with you. And you could be here with Chie, or Yukiko, or Risette... I'm still confused by that, if I'm being truly honest."

His frown was more of a reaction than she usually got from him. "Why? I'm happy with this."

 _See? Stop questioning it._ She smiled back at him. "Thanks. I... I'm very happy you're here."

There was a lull in conversation, the words hanging between them like smoke in the evening air, a suggestion of a fire that could not yet be seen. 

The blue haired detective shuffled, reaching up to fiddle with her fringe. "I was hoping..."

He waited patiently, observing her. 

"Um, that is to say, I don't _expect_ anything but if you wanted to..."

Still no reaction. _He's giving me absolutely nothing to work with. I don't know if it's polite or very rude._

"I wouldn't mind if you wanted to kiss me."

By the end of the sentence she was nearly whispering, leaving her unsure if he had even heard her. Until, that was, he moved across and guided her chin up gently with his forefinger. She met his shining blue eyes, her own blue-grey ones trying to speak all the words her voice had failed to. 

And then his lips met hers, finally. 

His mouth tasted like the mochi, his lips warm and inviting, bringing her closer. Last time, at his house, it had been like their first time kissing, had felt somewhat transgressive every time. 

This time she felt... like a teenage girl. Like the sort of person you saw in vapid television dramas, but it didn't feel silly. It felt wonderful. The rich sensations of him, his soft lips against hers, the heat of their breath like the fires of Mt Fuji, pouring what felt like liquid warmth into her whole body. Much to her own shame, she wondered if they could just spend the rest of the afternoon like this- connected through this physical expression of love, hopeless teenage romantics. 

For once, she wanted to be the damsel. 

Of course, she kept his all to herself, simply letting him take the lead. He was good at that. They settled into a _very_ comfortable rhythm of kissing, mumbled small talk, and more kisses, all the while with Naoto ruminating on the fortunes they drew today. 

_He drew a great blessing... to secure his future with the one he loved. With_ me. The concept made shivers run down her spine, a reaction that Yu did not fail to notice. He drew soft whimpers of excitement from her as his fingers followed that shiver up and down, from the cervical curve of her neck down to her lower back... delightfully close to her sacrum. _God, if he wanted to touch me there..._ She thrilled again, before his kiss distracted her once again. 

_What does that mean, to secure a future with me? Is it saying he shouldn't leave in April? Maybe... hopefully!_ Another shudder as his fingertips brushed her ribs, the sweater vest not enough to protect her from the slight tickle. Much to her enjoyment, he used the surprised giggle as a chance to kiss her a little deeper, his tongue brushing against her lips. She jumped a little, alarm turning to interest as he resumed what he had been doing. 

_He could... do that again..._ she thought, her thoughts increasingly clouding with each moment. _And if he doesn't... stay, I could travel... I was going to stay in Inaba but depending... oh!... depending on how long he's gone, I could... go join him in the city... ah.. of course, I coul-ha!... couldn't stop my career, but not like there's... any lack of crime in the city.... heh.... ah..._

His hands ran across her ribs, her back, her neck... he flipped the hat off her hair as his fingers raked her scalp, her short blue hair getting messed up more and more with each moment to her absolute apathy. Her mind was no longer thinking clear thoughts, just impulses. 

She didn't want him to go. She ached for him when he wasn't there, even just his conversation, let alone all this... though she felt she had a lot to catch up on when it came to her womanhood, and she had no qualms about his assistance there. Still, it was his company that made the difference, having someone to talk to that understood her, that accepted her and didn't make her feel the need to pretend her identity. 

She was sick of performing the act of the 'Detective Prince'. She was sick of performing the 'genius boy criminologist.' Those things, she just was. _Well, maybe not the boy part,_ she thought as his fingertips strummed unknowingly on the strings of her body. Making her twitch, shift, melt into his arms... his hand pressed against her stomach, a stomach that was churning restlessly at every attention. She was rapidly feeling hot, too hot. This was a horrible plan. 

Another ripple of delight ran through her as his fingertips tickled her ribs, tantalisingly close to her chest... this was an excellent plan. 

"Yu?" 

He smiled at her, fingers idly drawing circles on the small of her back. "Yes, Naoto?"

"I don't want you to leave Inaba."

 _Oh, I didn't mean to remind him,_ she thought as his eyes flickered with sorrow. "I know. I wish I didn't have to. But I don't think I'll be gone for long." 

_Huh?_ Hope stirred in her breast. "You know I'll hold you to that?"

His sky-blue eyes glittered mirthfully. "Yes, detective."

"Good."

She caught his mouth again, and he pulled her closer. She let him bring her to him, feeling his hands on her like fire, wanting so much more. 

Her feelings skirted on the edge of a taboo joy, as this was sinful, improper. She couldn't help feeling that, but she refused to deny the reality either- she loved how he made her feel. She never thought she would enjoy her femininity like this, she had even begun to wonder if she would be interested in any relationship at all. She certainly wouldn't ever be as enthusiastic as some girls seemed to be. 

Even so, she could not deny how much this excited her. Especially not as his thigh brushed against hers, his hand supporting her neck as she tilted her chin to kiss him...

 _This is so... What would I do if he wanted to go... further?_ The very thought made her burn with shame, and... other feelings. _Perhaps if I went back to that shadow laboratory, it would be Narukami Yu upon that table, and a much older Shirogane Naoto in that labcoat..._

Briefly, she wondered at what point she had become like this. At what point such _lustful_ thoughts had entered her previously aromantic mind. _And is it such a bad thing, or is it simply my investigative nature? Yamato-Takeru, is this the true me still? Am I just getting obsessed over small details, desperate to understand every part of it? Would I be satisfied if I could explain it, or would I still yearn for a more corporeal understanding?_

Her mind thus over-intellectualising every aspect of it, she managed to be surprised when he pressed in a little harder. _Oh!... I... I love you senpai..._

She murmured another confession of love into his lips, but leaned in insistently at the same time in case he tried to stop. 

_Is this the feeling I had when I woke up with him? Why does this feel so much more intense? I feel like I'd ignite if his hands were to make contact with my skin, yet... I want to be touched, to be_ loved, _I want to feel this electricity of his hands on me in all sorts of places... this is too much..._

When they next broke apart, she was bright red, breathless, a mess. Her crisp ironed shirt was crumpled from his hands, her argyle vest felt constricting on her bosom as her chest heaved... her bindings felt far too tight. Far, far too tight. 

"Um, excuse me a moment!" She gasped out, knocking the table in her haste to get up. 

"Are you okay?" He was a little breathless too, but clearly concerned.

"Y-Yes, all fine, I just... excuse me a moment!" She repeated, hurrying to the bathroom.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Seconds after locking the door behind her, Naoto threw off her top. Vest and shirt fell to the floor in a heap as she struggled to undo her bindings, finally getting them off and taking a long, ragged breath in. 

_That's so much better. They've never felt so tight before!_

Free of the chest wrap and it's tension, another need presented itself. _Thank god I noticed now!_ She had been so distracted by his touches and the resulting sensations that the other pressure had gone unnoticed. She double checked the door was locked and then darted across to the toilet. 

A few relieved moments later, she went to pull up her pants before she saw it. 

_Oh... oh no. I didn't, did I?_ She queried, looking at the state of her underwear with a mounting dread. _Surely not, I would have noticed that. Please tell me I didn't wet myself in front of my boyfriend..._

Fearfully, she maneuvered the pants from her ankles, inspecting the crotch for any signs of disgrace, but there were none. _So it couldn't have been that..._

In a new and strange sort of apprehension, she checked her underwear. _Oh... OH. They're like that because... I'm..._

She paused, considering the evidence. It all aligned, of course, it was just... she had never really experienced that. Never so... fervently, at the very least. 

_It's my... I'm aroused. I'm really,_ really _aroused._

Curious enlightenment lasted for only a few golden seconds before it gave way to embarrassment of a different kind. _What if he notices_ this! _Can he tell? Does he think I'm some sort of... loose girl or something?_

A few panicked moments found a spare pair of underwear in a drawer. She thanked her past self silently for being the sort of person who keeps a change in the bathroom in case of emergencies, and got dressed again. That particular crisis averted, she made the call to avoid wearing her binder again. _If he can provoke that sort of reaction in me again, I might pass out._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trying to swallow down the many facets of that embarrassing saga, she made her way back to her bedroom. _Just move on, Shirogane. It's fine._ She told herself, wondering if she would ever believe it. _Maybe I should just make us some tea and start over._

"Hey Senpai," she called out as she pushed the door open, "would you like me to bring you some tea?"

The words had barely left her lips when she saw something else to stop her heart. 

Her case journal was in his hands, and he was inspecting the cover. "What's this?"

"Hey! Give me that!" She cried out, making a dive to snatch it from him. Her hands made contact, but he caught her as she lunged. 

"I didn't know you had a diary. Does this have your notes on the case?"

His blank act wasn't working this time though. She grunted in irritation, snatching it successfully away from him. 

"Why do you think I'd hide it if it did!? Why would you do that?"

He makes a few noises like he wants to talk, standing tall in the face of her glare, until he finally finds the words. 

"Sorry. I didn't read any of it, I promise." She watched him cower for a moment or two more before finally calming herself. 

"It's fine." She sighed, taking a deep and calming breath. _At least I'm not on the back foot anymore._ "I'm sorry... a lot of what I write in there is confidential."

"Oh. I see."

They fell into silence, looking each other over. The ridiculous nature of the situation didn't fail to impress on Naoto, having gone from want to embarrassment to rage in only a few minutes. Still, she believed him. 

"Do you mention me in there?" 

He asked the question as if it was the most natural question in the world. _I couldn't tell you if I did, because it's confidential. Didn't I just say that?_ She was about to say as much when her own fortune came back to her. _Curse... For things to continue harmoniously, you must discard your secrets..._

_Of course she drew that today._

She groaned quietly to herself, relenting to the curse laid upon her. "Yes, you are. A few times, when I'm wrote about the case. Before I knew who you were, the time on Tatsumi Port Island, and then the business with Yakushiji..." 

She trailed off a bit, hoping to leave it there. Still, like a detective trying to avoid evidence that led to a unsavoury conclusion, she could feel the curse upon her mind. _Discard your secrets..._

"And once more..." she grumbled, resenting the explanation even as she gave it. "When I was trying to establish what you felt about me. What I... felt about you." She turned and slumped down by the table again, mortified. "I treated it like a case... because I couldn't understand it."

Yu took a seat beside her, slinging an arm over her shoulder to pull her against him. Such a simple gesture, but she felt so comforted by it. 

"Did it help?"

 _That had no judgement in it whatsoever. Just acceptance..._

She smiled into his chest. "A little. It was easier than getting attached... right up until I realised I wouldn't mind that." She squealed as he suddenly pulled her tight and shook her a little, pretending she was stuck to him. The alarm turned into laughter as his movements softened and shaking turned to rocking. 

"So that's your only journal. No diary or secret notes on me?"

"That's it," she giggled. "I'd be far too embarrassed to write anything more." 

They stayed like that for a while, exchanging the occasional comment but mostly just cuddling. Far from her previous concerns about what he might notice, his hands didn't wander over her this time. Just held her tight, like she was at risk of slipping away if he didn't support her enough. It was wonderful. 

"I love you, senpai." 

"I love you too, Nao-chan."

 _Nao-chan..._ Only Teddie was bold enough to try and call her that. It sounded wrong when he said it, far too presumptive, but when Yu did... _I could be his Nao-chan. If that's what he wants me to be, then he can call me that._

After what felt like far too short a time, Yu shifted. Naoto blinked suddenly, surprised by how sleepy she had felt. _I could have stayed like that forever, I think._

"I need to head home soon."

 _What?_ A frown creased her features, and she pulled away slightly. _Have I been too clingy? Is it too much?_

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to nearly fall asleep. I felt very relaxed, and you didn't seem to mind..."

"It's fine, I just need to get going."

She took his hand, holding it between her own, trying to think of what she might have done. 

"I really liked having you here." 

It escaped her mouth before she could stop it. Not that it was dishonest, just... _I must seem so desperate. He's probably annoyed at me..._

Yu kissed her brow in reply. "I liked being here too."

"Well I wouldn't mind if you stayed," she entreated, still holding his hand. "I'm sorry about hiding the writing from you, and for falling asleep. We can watch a movie, or maybe get some more food-"

"Naoto." He turned his whole body to her, and she suddenly felt like she was in trouble. "The mochi was incredible, and I would be happy to stay. I have to get home because I promised I'd help Nanako make a snowman tomorrow morning."

"Oh." _Shirogane, you are being foolish. Of course it's something like that!_ She deflated somewhat, her guilt over pushing him away tranferring flawlessly to trying to keep him from Nanako. 

"Of course, you should take care of her."

He favoured her with a brilliant smile, kissing her again. Her anxieties melted away as the tender touch of his lips caressed hers once more, reminding her of his love. 

"I'd like to see you again soon though."

She wanted to play it cool, seem less desperate, but in the end she decided on earnestness. "That would... I'd like that."

She reluctantly saw him out, avoiding Kimura's gaze the whole way back to her room. Just thinking things over. 

_He makes me far too jumpy. I don't even feel like a detective around him, I just feel like a silly girl getting obsessed with his feelings. It's foolish. Still..._

_If he_ is _put off by it, he doesn't show it- he still seems to think of me as who I was when we met. All the things I was trying to be... and he still just sees Naoto._

_Why can't I?_

Irritated with this new mystery, she took the case journal from where she had set it down and began to write. She managed to pour some of her frustration out, but this remained a case journal, and there was only so much writing about her cute boyfriend that would change that. There was limited catharsis to find here. 

She signed off for the night, then settled down at the table once more, warm and snug, trying to summon his presence through her memories. 

_It is pretty warm under here. And I'm still a bit overdressed for relaxing._

With dreams of what could have been playing in her mind like theatre shows, she couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like. To give in to those sensations, those wild desires. She had no idea if she would ever be comfortable with her... well, her sexuality, but the want she had felt earlier burned deep in her like embers of a forest fire. 

_Perhaps it's okay if I stoke the blaze... just this once."_ No sooner had she given herself permission than she felt the guilt slide from her shoulders like a heavy coat, leaving her free and comfortable... and far too hot. She shifted around underneath the blanket, awkwardly shuffling her legs around until she could finally withdraw her discarded pants from beneath the blanket.

_Time to explore._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 01/01/2012

_Active cases:  
_

__

_New cases:  
-True identity of Shirogane N.  
_

_Find mind turns to inward mysteries while unoccupied. Research required into how should present when returning to active duty. Consideration of future also required- potentially focus more directly on forensic chemistry._

_Signed, Shirogane Naoto_  
**.  
**   



	6. Words Spoken and Heard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naoto, with some help, finds a private moment to talk to a bed-ridden Yu.

"Hmm... will Senpai be all right?"

"Dammit... It's pissing me off that I can't do anything about this."

Naoto sighed, the frustration and anxiety bottled up as ever beneath her professional verneer. 

"He should be okay. The medicine I picked up from the hospital appears to be working. It will still take a few more days, but Teddie is here to watch over him, so..."

She missed Rise's comment, lost in thought about Yu's sickness. _I'm sure Teddie will do his best, but it should be me._

Teddie managed to chime in with the exact wrong words for her to hear at that moment, a secret talent of his. "Leave it to Teddie! I've been sleeping with him every night!"

She restrained the flinch of irritation, and quashed the longing for his warmth against her that she had maintained since Christmas eve. She knew his touch in her dreams now, and had craved it every night since. 

Now, he was stuck here, practically in a coma, at the mercy of Nurse Teddie. 

"Fat lot of help that is." Kanji muttered, her thoughts rendered audible. The two of them dissolved into their usual argument, while Rise turned to the detective. 

"Senpai will be okay, won't he? Naoto?" 

She frowned. "There's no reason he shouldn't be, given time. I still find it unsettling, how quickly he descended into illness. After recent events..."

"You mean Nanako-chan?" The idol asked, her perceptive nature granting insight into the other girl's thoughts. 

"Precisely." Naoto replied. "This does not seem an otherworldly sickness, at least. We can only wait."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rise, Naoto and Kanji waved goodbye as Teddie closed the door, leaving them in the street. A chill wind whistled in the streets and through the brick fences, catching loose parts of their clothing and ushering in the shivers of winter. The grey sky hung heavy with the promise of snow as yet undelivered.

A hurried goodbye from Rise saw her speeding off in the direction of home, having some duties at the shop. Kanji declined to follow, clearly picking up on Naoto's worries even as she tried to hide them. 

_I wish I could just go back in and have a few more moments with him..._ She had been conflicted ever since new year's day. She had enjoyed her afternoon with him, and seen him since, but... 

It was not that she felt there was a problem. There was simply a misunderstanding, a complication, that she needed to resolve. Ideally, he would be conscious for her doing so. Her feelings bubbled in her like a pot left overlong on the stove, threatening constantly to spill into an enormous emotional mess. She wanted to talk to him, _needed_ to, to know if they were still on track. To see if she was being paranoid, or if she was meant to be feeling how she did. 

"Hey. Whaddya thinking?"

His deep voice interrupted her thoughts, and she realised Kanji had simply been watching her static processing. She blushed a little self consciously. 

"I'm just... worried. It's not that I don't trust Teddie, but..."

"I get it." He shrugged. "It's Teddie. He ain't really Doctor material."

She couldn't help but chuckle in agreement, and followed him to a nearby wall where they both sat down. 

"You're not the only one thinkin' it, Naoto-kun. We're all worried. Don't go blamin' yourself again like last time, you hear?" She looked up to see a fierce determination in his eyes. "This ain't on you, on any of us. He's a city guy, he prob'ly just stayed out too long in the snow or somethin'."

 _He's probably right._ She acknowledged grudgingly. She hadn't been blaming herself for his sickness, but deep down perhaps she had been labouring under the misapprehension that it was within her control. She let out a deep sigh, trying to allow the guilt passage through her breath. 

"You're right, Kanji-kun. I'm sorry, it's just hard to see him like this. He always seems so... unflappable."

"I get it. It's like, you look at him and all you see is strength." The punk leaned back, casting his eyes up to the grey sky. "This cool, calm dude who can handle anything, who never lets nothin' get in his way. It's hard to think of anything being able to get to him, ya know?" 

He paused, and Naoto briefly wondered how Kanji saw the world. From what he'd told them, he seemed to have been subjected to a lot of bullying as a youth, and had developed a particular opinion of power dynamics as a result. _An almost Hegelian view of dominance and submission, perhaps._

For all his posturing though, Kanji was one of the most sensitive people she had ever met. He had reportedly understood more than anyone else that his shadow was simply a facet of his own being, and since coming to terms with that had revealed such depths as to surprise everyone who knew him. 

"It's hard seein' some invisible thing hurting someone you love."

Naoto froze up. _Love? Does he know?_ Her mind raced, trying to identify the moment he might have found out. _There are too many possibilities... but to have been discovered by Kanji of all people?_

Cautiously, she ventured a question. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean?" He repeated back defensively. "I ain't sayin' anything like _that_ , ya know. That's not... I ain't like that! Just..." 

Kanji trailed off, his tall frame slumping over in resignation over his honesty. "We all love him, yeah? He's helped us all out, keeps us all together. I dunno what my life would be if those guys hadn't forced their way into it. I..."

Another long pause preceded his next words, which came in reserved tones of shame. "I dunno if anyone told you this, but I ain't great with hospitals, and sickness. It's... pretty scary to me, ya know?" 

_I had figured it out, but it's strange to hear him say it._ She stayed silent, letting him say his piece. 

"So seeing somethin' like this... it's not easy. But I believe in him. I know he'll be alright."

She smiled up at him, getting rewarded with a weak grin in return. "You're correct, Kanji-kun. He'll make it through this."

"Anyway, I thought it might help to hear someone else say it. I figured since you guys went praying at the shrine together on new years, you probably hang out more than people know."

 _What!?_ Kanji's words rocked her to her soul, the revelation that he knew they were a couple validating every moment of paranoia. _He saw us?! How!? I was so careful!_ Her anxiety sent shocks throughout her body, threatening to physically overwhelm her as she scrambled to respond.

"T-That's not... I mean, that's only circumstantial evidence... we were j-just... I happened to bump into h-him and it made sense to..." She floundered, a fish dropped in the middle of the Gobi desert, desperately flailing for any way to find the sea again. 

"Yeah, course. That's what I said. You prob'ly see more of him that people know." Kanji replied, completely oblivious to Naoto's panic. "What are you goin' on about?"

She managed to hold back her immediate reply, instead formulating her response as if she were trying to cure herself of an undetermined poison. Desperate, frantic, and clumsy. 

"Uh... N-nothing, I just..." 

_Great work Shirogane, you're a real model for success. You'll have to tell people at some point._

She gesticulated excessively in front of him for a moment or two more before giving up. 

"Um... Kanji-kun... It's just, Senpai and I have been seeing each other recently."

Kanji stared deadpan at her, his mind processing. 

Then, after a moment, "Yeah..? So have I. We all see him, Naoto-kun. Sheesh, sometimes you don't really seem like a detective, ya know."

_Curses. I have to be more direct._

"Not like that, Kanji-kun." She replied, going a touch slower, her voice softening as if it might cushion the inevitable news hanging over his head like the Sword of Damocles. "We've, um... we st-started, sort of..." 

He waited patiently, like the world's most naive boulder, as she forced each word past the filters of her embarrassment. 

"...dating."

No reaction. 

Only a blank stare. 

Then, an eyebrow twitch. 

A slight frown. 

"Dating? You... and Senpai?"

She nodded, barely, trying to obscure her confirmation without lying.

"Oh. That's... that's cool. Congrats."

 _Oh, poor Kanji..._ Sympathy and embarrassment coloured her eyes in equal measure, painting Kanji's features into a mask of confusion and vague disappointment. She wanted to reach out to him, but it felt wrong, so instead she simply sat there politely. "I'm... I'm sorry Kanji-kun, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings..."

He smiled at her, though whether it was closer to a wincing grimace or a false rictus she didn't know. "Why the hell would my feelings be hurt?"

"Because... well, everyone kinda thought you..." she began, quietly furious at being made to say it aloud, "had feelings... for... m-me..." 

To her surprise, Kanji didn't immediately deny it. Instead, he seemed to take a moment or two to consider the comment, staring at the road ahead of them for what seemed like an age. 

She sat in silence, feeling chastened from the very act of speaking by her cruelty. Cruelty unintentionally perpetrated, but made true by the act of speaking it. 

"Yeah, I think I do."

 _Huh?_ She was caught off guard once more by his reply, but he went on before she could respond. 

"I was... really confused for a while there. Didn't really know who I was. I've never been really comfortable around girls, they're always so mean to me. At least, until you guys..."

He smiled to himself, the expression seeming entirely for his own benefit. "And I got... a bit confused about you, yeah. I thought you were a guy, and that you were interested in me, and that... made me confused. Then it turned out you were a chick, and that made some things make sense but not everythin', and I didn't know what to do."

For the first time in the conversation, he faced her, and she found herself somewhat inspired by the boldness in his eyes. "I thought maybe if you had a thing for me, that might explain some of what was goin' on in my head. You acted like a guy, someone I could hang out with, but you were... well, I'm still into girls, ya know..." 

They both quietly let that particular moment pass, neither having the ability of emotion nor lexicon adequate to express the gender confusion that they each had. 

"You're an amazing chick, Naoto-kun. In so many ways. I kinda thought maybe there could be a thing, but Senpai is amazing too. I can see why you're into him." His smile turned sad, but resolute. "It's kinda a relief, actually."

"A relief?"

"Yeah. The thing I hate about chicks is how there's all this pressure. You gotta be a man, act all tough and stuff, but still be polite, and you're meant to win girls over by being all sensitive 'n' stuff but they still make fun of you for liking cute things. It's bullshit.

"You were never like that, but I still felt weird around you 'cause I was interested. Then like, Yosuke-Senpai kept saying I should, I dunno, do somethin', try to get you to like me. It was still pressure, expectation, more bullshit. If you're dating Senpai, then..."

He shrugged again, and this time it was as if he was a changed man. A weight seemed to fall off him, leaving him not only looking taller but also more... mature. A strange bent to his features that took the defiant punk look he wore usually and refined the arrogance into confidence, the dissidence into an countenance of insight. It really suited him. 

"We can just hang out. Be buds. I don't have to put on a show, or worry about what you're thinkin'. That's a real relief."

 _Kanji-kun..._ Naoto was nearly tearing up. This man, so bound up in the gender performance she knew so well, in many ways an icon of what she had strived for in her misguided attempts, being so accepting and understanding. _I could hug you._

Inspired by his confidence, she did just that, wrapping her arms around him. He started, seemingly having no idea what to do with the gesture, but as she pulled away he was blushing slightly. "What was that for?" 

"Kanji-kun..." She started, echoing her own thoughts. "I would love to have you as a good friend. I already think of you as such, but I cannot express how much what you said means to me."

He met her shining eyes with a deflective snort. "Yeah, well, don't mention it. Let's just move on, eh?"

She nodded, still slightly overcome with admiration and respect. In an attempt to get past the awkward emotions, Kanji stood and gestured to the Dojima house. 

"So 'spose you're wantin' some time with Senpai, right? I can probably distract Teddie for a bit if you want?"

The detective stood as well, nodding furtively. "I didn't expect it, but that would be... most helpful indeed."

"Sure." He said, swallowing some hidden emotion down with a wink and a bombastic grin. "What're friends for?"

A few moments later saw Kanji striding out of the house with a rugged up Teddie in hot pursuit. As they passed Naoto, Teddie cried out, "Take care of Sensei, Nao-chan! I'll bring you back a topsicle! I didn't even know they sold them in winter! How wonderful!"

Thus occupied on a quest for ice-cream, the strange boy followed the punk down the road, leaving Naoto to slip into the house once more.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His eyes were closed, peaceful as the grave. Flashbacks to every novel and movie she knew where a murder was disguised as sleep chased through her mind, pursued by her willpower as it attempted to corral her courage. 

She dropped to her knees, avoiding the impulse to take his pulse once more. When last she had done so, she had been shocked by his temperature, and frankly she felt that it might be too much to deal with right now. He was breathing; that was enough. 

"Good afternoon." She murmured into the void. She wondered if he could hear her. 

_It's simply a delirium brought on by influenza._ The thought brought her little comfort- even a common cold could be harmful if it created this sort of response. She had been mulling over the implications for a day or two now- considering his immune system, how fatigued he must be, wondering if she shouldn't be forcing Teddie to call an ambulance...

Still, he seemed to simply be asleep. If fatigue was a factor, she could hardly be surprised- he stayed up far too late most nights, and was as busy as anyone she'd met during his days. Between the members of the investigation team, you could chart his movements, but you needed that many people. 0900, shopping at Junes, 1000, fishing in the Samegawa river, 1100, having a picnic with an elderly lady, 1200, riding towards the beach, 1500, working at a daycare, 1700, working at a hospital... on and on. 

Frankly, it was surprising he had lasted this long without a breakdown. 

"You foolish man..." She muttered, finally bringing her hand to his hair. His grey locks were oily, slightly damp from the sweat that sat in heavy droplets across his brow. He shifted slightly under the blanket, hardly conscious but not completely insensible.

Just seeing him move was enough to make her smile. 

"I'm incredulous you managed to get so sick. We finally have time we could be spending together, and you do this?" She couldn't help but grin even more. "If you didn't want to see me, you could have just said."

She was almost surprised to hear the joke come out of her mouth. Perhaps it was the lack of possible response, or the conversation with Kanji, but for once she felt like she could express herself. 

_It's almost like I'm just... talking aloud. He just happens to be here._ It seemed strange to her that it took this sort of interaction for her to feel confident, but maybe that was to be expected. After all, she expressed herself best in her journal, with time to think. Occasionally in a dramatic denouement, but even those were prepared. 

It was truly his interactions, his responses, that threw her so much. He seemed to blank and impassive, taking everything with the same serious interest. He had the same expression when eating ice cream, fighting shadows, making paper cranes. It made it far too difficult to predict his responses. 

_That's not even accounting for how he talks to_ me _specifically._ After he had confessed to her, he was equally likely to compliment her, to make fun of her, or to talk about something entirely unrelated. It was far too difficult for the structure-craving Naoto to deal with on a good day. When adding in the factor of what she felt for him... _What I feel in his presence, too..._

She frowned at him gently. _Well, if I'm feeling expressive, I had better hop to it. Kanji will only have bought me a brief window..._

"I hope you recover soon... I miss you."

She took a moment to gather her thoughts out of habit, before realising that was the whole joy of this moment. She didn't need to. If she wanted to, she could talk aloud to him, with no fear of reproach. Given the behaviour of his eyes when she looked, she would be astonished if he could even hear her... but at least she could tell herself she had gotten it out. 

It was liberating. 

"I know I'm not always the best at... expressing myself..." She began, cautiously. "It would be unfair to lay the blame for that at your feet. I am still learning to be... comfortable with who I am, after all. It is quite a journey."

A soft chuckle. 

"My time with you has... well it's complicated things further, truthfully." Another pause, formulating her thoughts. 

"Actually, in some ways, you are singularly infuriating. You are unreadable to the point of obscurity, and do not telegraph when you mean something humorously or earnestly. Not even Rise knows when you think you are joking, and you say some things that are rather bold if earnest. It causes complications. I cannot be the first person to be confused so by your oddities.

Another point," she continued, her voice rising in both tone and volume. "You are maddening in your affections. I cannot be blamed for misunderstanding your intentions, as it seems half of the school is under the impression that you may have eyes for them. 

"There is abundant circumstantial evidence to suggest those assumptions are not entirely imagined. I have heard you spent time a deal of time with Ozawa-senpai at the hospital, and with Mastunaga-chan teaching her trombone. However, you don't play the trombone. A clear contradiction. Not to mention that Ebihara-Senpai, Rise-chan, and Yukiko-Senpai all seem to have felt like you were dating them at some point. I am at a loss as to how I might reconcile this knowledge with the feelings you have stated for me. 

"And yet..." She paused in her attack, her tone softening as she looked upon his feverish face. "You have never lied to me. I suspect the reason for these misconceptionss is simply your kindness of heart, such as you display to all you meet. I find myself uncomfortable with how many of your close confidants are women, but..."

She sighed, and went back to stroking his greasy hair. "That is, in truth, a reflection of my own doubts and anxieties. Since you confessed to me, you have given me no reason to doubt your affections. I am very pleased about that."

He made no sign of comprehension, only slight shifts when she touched him. She could not say whether she hoped he was conscious or not at this stage. Part of her desperately hoped he could hear and understand everything, and part of her would be mortified if he heard even half of it. 

"Those same anxieties that make me doubt who I am. You were all right when you asserted that I didn't wish to be a man, only to be respected as one. Yet, without that goal I had strove toward for so long, I feel a bit... lost."

She leaned back a little, feeling the weight shift over her feet and stretch out her legs. _This is turning into a confessional._ She mused, but believing herself half committed now, she resolved to continue on. 

"I became lost within a limbo of who I want to be. I have no desire to change who I was when it comes to my goals and aspirations, but now I find myself... confused. Before, I didn't have you. There is an undeniable part of me that simply wishes to be the woman you want in your life, and I am unsure how to bring both parts into alignment."

Still no response. She sighed softly again, her spare hand moving to her own hair, massaging her scalp. He seemed to squirm slightly within the blanket, and she flashed back immediately to when they were beneath that same blanket in his room. The first and she had worn a skirt around him, had let herself be a girl. 

A _woman._

"And then there are... the other f-feelings." The words came out in barely more than a whisper, her deeper secrets weighing on her chest. Pressing down, stifling her, like a guilty conscience before a judge. 

"You're the first person I have ever felt a... romantic interest in. I think ever." She began tentatively. "I've never felt in love before. It seems... a very impulsive emotion. I think, actually, that I finally understand crimes of passion."

She reflected on that for but a moment before the inevitable second half of her confession made it to her lips. "That isn't all, either. I've never... I'm not used to, um... _feeling_ like a woman. There have been all these confusing feelings, not only emotions but genuine sensations, that I have read about but never experienced."

She stopped again, already embarrassed beyond her imaginings. 

_Focus, Shirogane. You may be a woman, but you are still mature beyond your years. You are a woman in a relationship, and if you are afraid to tell him when he cannot hear, you will never say it when he can. Enough prevarication._

She deliberated over this self-reflection for a while, before coming to a conclusion. She reached over him, ever so carefully, and slapped him in the face. 

"Uh." 

He grunted, reacting with the most basic of possible responses, but otherwise made no change. She grimaced, knowing now that whatever she said was not going to be heard. It was for her ears only, but at least she would know she could say it. 

"You... um... Y-you..."

She gritted her teeth, feeling the bone grind with all the tension in her jaw, and then took another deep breath. 

"I don't... I've... Iveneverbeensoturnedonbeforeanditwasscary..."

The sentence, if it could be called that, shot forth from her mouth like bullets from a Tommy-gun. All the while, her eyes were scrunched shut, her fists clenched around her jacket as if to hold herself in place. The words finally said, she dared not open her eyes, terrified that if she did, his own would meet her. 

_How did I just say that? Why did I just say that? That proved nothing, only allowed the possibility of embarrassment!_

She listened intently, trying to hear a change in breathing, anything that might signify attentive listening... but she could hear nothing. Fear leaking from every pore, she cranked open an eyelid. 

_No reaction._

She was relieved, mortified, and offended all in one. _You had better not have heard that._ She thought darkly, for if he had heard her say that and still not responded... 

She shuddered, dispelling the thought. _Try again, Shirogane..._

"The thing is... I have no... no experience with that sort of thing. I understand it academically, of course... that is to say... ugh..."

Another sigh found her fingers at her temple, trying to massage her words into submission before they reached her mouth. 

"It was somewhat alarming to have such a... well, a _physical_ reaction. I know the mechanics of... _intercourse_ ," that particular word murmured at a volume that even she barely heard, "but to think of the concepts as applied to me... it's all quite overwhelming. I didn't even think of myself as a woman that long ago, and now, for that to be our last private interaction... I'm left with that memory and time, and nothing to distract me from it. I just..."

Her stilted, stammering words came to a halt as she sat beside him, listening to him breath. _What do I actually want? What do I need from him? Do I know who I am?_

"I need you to come back. Please."

She let the words fall on the insensible ears, and tried to still her heartbeat. There was, after a time, a quiet comfort to his slumbering breath. 

A comfort that was disrupted the moment she found it by the sound of the door sliding open again. 

Alarmed and embarrassed, she sprung to her feet, making sure her clothes were in order. _How can I feel so exposed and impure without having changed a single physical feature?_ The doubt crept into her mind, frustrating her even as she smiled at Teddie. 

"No change to your patient. Make sure he drinks a lot of water, he's sweating a lot."

"NAO-CHAN!" Teddie exclaimed, bouncing across to her. "You are such a good doctor! If only I could be sick too, and have a fair lady like you to take care of me! Would you take my temperature, oh would you would you??"

"Um... Better to stay healthy, perhaps." She muttered evasively as Kanji stepped into the room. "How did it go?"

"Kanji wouldn't buy you a topsicle!" Teddie exclaimed before Kanji could respond, and the punk stomped his foot.

"What the hell're you talking about, you stupid bear? I bought 4, and you ate them all on the way back here!"

"What a grizzly accusation!" The blonde boy chirped back, dancing around the room idly. "After all, look at my un-bear-lievably svelte figure, my flawless skin, my slim stomach! I could not pawsibly have done such a thing."

"Teddie?"

"Yes Nao-chan?" 

"You have ice-cream on your sweater."

Teddie froze mid pirouette, turning red. "Oh gosh. Well then I hate to be the bear-er of bad news, but there is no more ice-cream."

Naoto groaned quietly, and then bid goodbye to the strange boy, following Kanji out. 

They walked quietly down the road, no sounds but their footsteps to accompany them, until Naoto spoke out into the cold air. 

"Thank you."

Kanji kept his head forward, but smiled softly. "Any time."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 01/06/2012

_Active cases:  
-True identity of Shirogane N.  
_

_Explained myself to Narukami Y. He remains in delirious state, am convinced there was no comprehension. Troubled nonetheless. Left alone to establish identity, seemingly endless variables. I was never a fan of choose-your-own-adventure mysteries._

_New cases:_

__

_Signed, **Shirogane Naoto**_  
**.  
**   



	7. Hidden, Sought, Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naoto chafes at the lack of private time with Yu as they celebrate Nanako's recovery at Junes, and a mistake is made.

Shirogane Naoto was having mixed feelings.

She bustled about her room, throwing on five layers of clothes to inoculate her to the snow outside. She was only wearing one of her usual winter outfits, but still felt like she was dressing for a party or event. After all, this was really the first time they had been able to get together as a group. Not only the investigation team, but dear Nanako as well!

On the one hand, she was pleased that not only Yu but also Nanako and Dojima had fully recovered. Particularly that Nanako was out for a Sunday in the snow, which Yu mentioned she loved. Being able to take her to Junes as a group felt like the right thing to do.

They had all gone back to school the day after Yu's recovery, and without the threat of the fog or the murders, they chad finally been able to relax and enjoy their schooling- something that she was particularly enjoying. 

_I've never just been to school with my friends before._ She reflected to her mirror as she opened up one of her new purchases: a case of simple cosmetics. She hadn't ever had much need for such things before other unless disguising herself. However, following a clandestine visit to Junes with Yukiko, she had been convinced that perhaps a tiny bit here and there would not detract from her professional look.

Her hands thus occupied with Yukiko's lessons, her thoughts turned once again to her boyfriend. _There is a lot we've missed in that time._

Since her outburst during his delirium, she had only spoken to Yu alone once on the Samegawa flood plain. He didn't seem to remember anything she had told him at his house, which was more blessing than curse. After all, she had spent days agonising over telling him about how he made her feel. 

Still, she had hoped for more time with him away from scrutinising eyes. It was only a month or two until he would be leaving Inaba, after all... 

_I don't know how I'll be able to let him go._

She pushed down that particular thought, a rather pernicious one in recent days. Along with his physical departure, she dreaded his emotional departure, particularly if she could not resolve her personal identity crisis.

_If I don't even know who I am, how could he possibly hold me in his heart when he's gone?_

It had been birthed from discovering the sort of affections she was unaware she would ever hold, and all of the angst that comes with adolescent love. Having had her own identity shattered in the T.V. world by the child in a lab coat, then trying to figure out who she wanted to be, increasingly influenced by perhaps who _he_ might want her to be. 

How could you live for yourself, and also give yourself to another? She didn't want to choose, and was increasingly unsure if his allure would be possible to resist were she forced to. 

Then again, she had been making progress. Her own revelations about how people moved on from tragedy had had helped with that, and if she could stay true to her own words at Samegawa...

After all, he had stated no loss of affection himself. _"I will always love you."_ Those were his words, verbatim. From another it might be an empty sentiment, but a quirk of Yu's that she had become intimate with was his seeming inability to deceive for the benefit of social cohesion. 

That is to say, he consistently and unabashedly would truthfully offend someone without knowing when another might lie to spare feelings. Even within their relationship, this had remained a reliable prediction, and it had taken some getting used to. If he had told her that, she had no reason to suspect he was not being truthful. 

_"I will always love you."_

The memory of those words poured like liquid caramel upon her soul, sweet and inescapable, warm and rich. Her entire body thrilled in now-familiar ways to even consider it. Left to herself with only memories of him for a week or two, she had finally relented and tried to find comfort in the emotions that thought elicited. 

_Always, us, together..._ Her heart swelled with happiness, forcing the corners of her lips to curl up in a vague smile to the ether. The memory of his casual caresses caused phantom shivers upon her scalp, her shoulders, the delicate skin between her shoulder blades, all the places he would idly touch her. The heat in her stomach and lower grew yet again, as it had done increasingly ever since her admission to his deaf ears. She was yet to relent to _that_ persistent need, but had begun clandestinely researching in the event that he took too long to recover and she was unable to discuss it with him. 

_Perhaps today would have been the day..._ She thought playfully, her erstwhile severity having relinquished some hold over her mind in recent days. Still, those wants were once more superceded by her ability to talk to the object of her affection. 

_After all, who can say? Perhaps we will have some privacy at some point today. If not, I may simply have to invite him over once more._

Her warm smile turned devilish for but a moment, an open tease to an empty room, before she grabbed her bag and set out.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nanako beamed back at them all as they all congratulated her on her recovery. The young girl's eyes shined as she looked around the table at the investigation team, resting longest on her 'big bro'. 

"I can go to school and help out around the house like I always do!"

 _To be so enthusiastic about the minutia of the day..._ Naoto envied that somewhat. She sat back as the conversation rolled on, piping up occasionally but mostly enjoying everyone's company. All of them, Nanako-chan included, had been through so much over the last year. To be able to sit here now with everyone was a reward well earned. 

Nanako seemed to feel the same, replying to Rise that she was simply happy to be there with everyone. That was, at least, until Kanji chimed in with a suggestion of hide-and-seek.

"Hide-and-seek!?" Nanako exclaimed, her eyes saucepans of excitement. "I'm good at that! Both the hiding and the seeking!"

Her smile faltered somewhat as a memory struck her. 

"Oh... Big bro... Did you come find me?"

The question seemed innocent, but Naoto could tell everyone around the table was as alarmed as she was to hear it. _Could she remember her time in the TV?_

Yukiko gently asked if she could remember anything, and she replied that she couldn't remember anything except being saved. "You were all cool, like those heroes on the TV!"

 _Sweet young girl,_ Naoto thought to herself. _Her innocence is matched only by her kindness. If there is any sign of the good we've done, let it be her smile._

Teddie had begun wailing at being called a hero, and even Kanji seemed to be getting emotional, so in a demonstration of his occasional and ever-surprising social nuance, Yosuke agreed to play hide-and-seek in the store. Naoto tried to hide her glee- there had been few games she had enjoyed more as a child. 

"I-is that okay?" She asked, her stammer the only sign of her excitement. 

Yosuke winked, assuring them he could make it work. Ripples of enthusiasm went about the table, with Nanako being selected as the first seeker. After all, she had said, it was her turn.

The detective looked to her secret boyfriend, already reading the uneasiness on his face. _He's probably concerned about leaving her alone again so soon._ She offered the young girl a gentle smile. 

"Nanako-chan, would you like an assistant? After all, all the best detectives have an assistant. Furuhata has Shintaro, Sherlock has Watson, and," Naoto leaned in conspiratorially, "even Loveline has her dog."

"His name is Toshiyaki!" Nanako chirped back. 

Naoto grinned. "Well, I've got some experience as a sleuth. Could I be your assistant?"

The young girl whirled around to her brother. "I need an assistant. Can Naoto-oneechan be my sloof?"

Yu beamed at the pair of them. "Of course. We'll go hide now. Promise you'll come and find us?"

"Promise!" Naoto sung out. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The hunt was going well. 

Even with just the electronics department to work with, Naoto and Magical Detective Loveline (as she was now calling herself) had a lot of ground to cover. Junes was a big department store after all. 

Still, they had found Chie early, distracted from her task of hiding by an ad for a new kung-fu film on one of the TVs. Kanji too had been in that area, the tall boy having decided to hide behind one of the larger televisions in the hopes that it would serve as adequate cover. 

He failed to take into account Nanako's height, however. To an adult he would be harder to spot, but Nanako was short enough that she could see most of him behind the television stand. 

The others had proven somewhat more elusive, and so Magical Detective Loveline had split them up to cover more ground. With Kanji and Chie were about to keep an eye on her, she felt more comfortable about leaving the girl, so she put her skills to work. 

Despite his inscrutability, she decided she would seek out Narukami first. After all, if anyone could know him well enough to locate him, it should be her. _His girlfriend,_ she thought smugly. 

_He wouldn't have loitered by the televisions like the others. He is also fairly tall, so would need to find something large enough to hide behind. That narrows it down somewhat. His imagination is less active than some of the others, and his body less flexible, so I would imagine he is not contorting himself in order to hide. So something tall that he could obviously hide behind, but where his patience means he could stay still enough to be unnoticed..._

She looked up at the signs hanging from the ceiling. _Entertainment, Mobile Phones, Heating and Cooling, Refrigerators... Refrigerators!_ She smirked. 

The detective focused on her footsteps, stepping cautiously but regularly so as to not raise suspicion to a listener. Many of the fridges stood lined up together by a wall, with large cardboard boxes behind each. _There is enough gap behind them, I wager, for a slim teen to be sequestered therein._

She made a show of opening some of the fridge doors, trying to see if any of the boxes moved, if anyone was knocking them. On the third one, she fancied she saw a box wobble out of the corner of her eye. 

She began to stroll past it as if she were going to leave, but at the last second ducked through a gap and behind the boxes. 

"Aha!"

Narukami was standing in an alcove behind the wall of cardboard, quite invisible from the aisle. The position looked less comfortable than he might have liked, but admittedly it was a fantastic hiding place. She grinned victoriously at Yu, who stared back intensely as always. 

"Well done detective." He grunted out, trying to shuffle into a position that might let him breathe a little better. She noted in surprise that he seemed genuinely put out at being spotted, if only a little. 

"I congratulate you on taking it so seriously. You should feel no shame- I am, after all, a master of deduction." 

He merely grunted again in response, taking the wind out of her sails mid-preening. Once paying attention, she could hear Nanako on the other side of the fridges somewhere.

"Ah, and here arrives the cavalry." She announced, lifting a hand to her mouth to call out to her detecting partner. 

However, she was caught mid-gesture as Yu's hand shot out, catching her arm and pulling her towards him before she could make a sound. Nor she did have any time for outrage, shocked as she was by how close to his body he had drawn her. 

"Senpai!" She hissed. He looked down at her, catching on to her alarm. In his haste to restrain her, he had grabbed wherever he could in the awkward and narrow space... coincidentally, her chest and abdomen. His hands weren't... touching anything, not really, but one would be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

 _Correction- without the binder on, he would definitely be touching an inappropriate place right now._ She realised as he shifted slightly. Within an instant, she felt her mental dam strain under the pressure of all her fantasies, restrained for two weeks, wherein he touched her there with less obstacles. 

She glared up at him, but he was simply staring at her. Nanako's voice went unheeded, chattering away to herself as she sought them out. Yu seemed frozen in place, one hand firmly against her hip, the other on her... _well..._

She muttered his name feebly, unsure if it was to chastise or encourage. She was split between her hunger for any affection he might show and her desire to win, but with his hand on her chest... even if unintentional this felt a little... too warm. _She_ felt too warm. 

Breathing already shallow, she still felt the instinct that she should hold her breath. Not breath out against his face this close. If she did, then he might...

_He might just..._

_do that..._

Their lips met, softly brushing against each other as if it were their first. A cautious exploration of sensation, the week between their last contact seeming to the teenagers like aeons. 

_He touches me like this and I'm lost,_ she quietly despaired to herself. _I know I should stop him, should pull away, should take any control of the situation once more, but all I want to do is give myself to him._

She sighed, unable to resist him this time. Unable to resist what he was, what he meant to her.  
_To him, I am at once the detective prince and a young woman. He sees no contradiction, he simply loves me._

That was enough for her to relinquish control. She felt him press his warm, velvet lips to hers more firmly, his hands still holding her in places reserved for lovers. Every slight shift of his fingers made her want to gasp, to moan softly, so pent up as she was. 

In turn, she could feel the soft yet determined probing of his tongue at the barrier of her teeth. _If I simply opened my mouth, what would he do? What would I feel? Is it improper to want such feelings, such knowledge?_

She knew from her films that people in the U.S. were more daring. Why, if she were Sam Spade, then she would ridicule the chaste kisses she placed upon Yu's lips. 

Still, it was all too new to the poor young detective, and paralysed by indecision, she simply kissed him back with candid affection, hoping that the maelstrom of confusion did not show in her actions. 

Naoto later reflected that, had she been more decisive, they may not have been found in such a compromising position. 

"Aha! I found youuu-whaaat!?"

The voice broke even as it uttered the words, tone fluctuating wildly, though from nerves or nature she could not say. Breaking her mouth from her partner's, she turned, identifying the intruder and voyeur. 

_Darn._

Yosuke seemed as stunned as the sprung lovers were, the three of them standing apart, no course of action presenting itself. Yosuke's face was hard to read, but with little that made Naoto felt secure as she and Yu stood in the cramped space.

Ever the first to come to his senses, it was Yu who spoke first. 

"Did I win?"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another two rounds of the game found them all back at their usual table.

Naoto looked about, wondering if anyone else could see the signs. Teddie and Nanako were raving about the game- thankfully, that seemed adequate distraction. Kanji and Yukiko were arguing over whether it counted as cheating to be inside one of the fridges, a clever idea of Kanji's in the third round that, even in his warm winter gear, had left him shivering.

Chie and Rise, on the other hand, had twigged that something was up with Yosuke and were playing good cop, bad cop in an attempt to force a confession. Yosuke himself was doing a poor job of hiding his discomfort. He was sitting between the two, squirming awkwardly, the irony of being the centre of two women's attention seemingly lost on him. 

_He would be usueless under interrogation. He's folding faster than a house of cards_ Watching him struggle, she knew it wouldn't be long before the truth would out, and then it would be all over. 

_Our best chance is to disperse the group now before he breaks,_ she mused darkly. _Maybe disperse the whole group forever in fact. If I never see him again, then we'll never have to discuss it?_

Despite knowing how much she was overreacting, she could not help but panic. She had never been in this situation before, and was entirely unprepared to discuss among this group her burgeoning love for their leader. 

She looked to Yu, hoping to find some company for her misery, but he seemed entirely unfazed. _As per usual._ She groaned inwardly as Yosuke fidgeted ever on. 

"Urgh I can't take it!"

Yosuke's outburst stopped the whole table, hopefully enough to cover Naoto's flinch of alarm. He had shot to his feet, steaming almost visibly. His eyes were closed as if to hide him from the scrutiny of his pursuers. _Probably the only way he can guarantee he doesn't look at the people he is about to cast beneath the bus,_ she thought treacherously. 

"Nope nope nope! This is too big. If you guys don't say something, then I gotta go, I can't do this!" 

An awkward silence descended. 

"What are you talking about?" Yukiko inquired gently, completely baffled by the sudden explosion. 

Yosuke only sputtered, before pushing out, "I... They know who they are!"

Chie raised an eyebrow. "I think he's broken."

Naoto took a deep breath as confusion began to take over the group, looking to Yu for confirmation. He shrugged, as if to say, "Up to you."

She sighed. 

"It's okay, Yosuke-senpai." 

Attention slowly drew to the blue haired girl as she removed her hat, smoothing it out in an effort to hide her nerves. 

_Focus, Shirogane._

"Yosuke-senpai saw something before that he is keeping secret for me. F-for... us." She gestured towards Narukami. 

She took a breath to steel herself, but by then the cogs had begun turning, and the outbursts began.

"Senpai?" Rise asked, confusion and hesitation halting her usual melody.

"No way!" Chie breathed, while Yukiko simply looked between the grey haired boy and Naoto, lost. "What, what happened?"

"They were making out behind the fridges!" Yosuke accused, finally able to speak his mind. The detective prince scowled at his crudity.

The table once again descended into madness. Yukiko and Chie seemed surprised and confused, while Rise and Teddie both began wailing. 

"Senpai!!!" She cried. 

"Nao-chan!!!" He cried. 

Kanji simply smiled and nodded, prompting a fresh wave of outrage from Yosuke. "Wait, you already knew? You, of all people?"

"Why d'ya say it like that!?" Kanji snapped back. "Not my fault I can keep a secret!" 

"Whoa," Chie murmured appreciatively, "Kanji-kun knew already?"

"Yaaaay!"

The group turned as one to see Nanako beaming up at Naoto. "I like Naoto-senpai! She's clever and cute!"

Naoto felt the heat rush to her cheeks, her willpower no longer sufficient to hold it back, but Nanako wasn't quite done. 

"Does that mean you're going to marry big bro?"

"W-W-What!?"

Yosuke nearly choked; Chie and Kanji's faces were rictus grins; Teddie's eyes began to sparkle. 

As silence rained down on the group, someone began to snicker. 

Chie hissed to quiet her friend down, but it was too late. Yukiko burst out laughing, making Naoto's face redder by the moment. 

"M-Marry... Um... I-I think t-that we... uh..."

"We haven't decided yet."

Both Nanako and Naoto faced the grey haired boy with confusion and gratitude respectively. Yu's calm voice had cut through Yukiko's cackling, and Chie took the chance to try and quiet her friend.

The detective heard bewildered muttering under her breath from a certain copper haired idol about marriage, but was too grateful to care as Yu went on.

"If we did, it wouldn't be for a while, so you shouldn't expect too much yet."

She could see the love for Nanako in his eyes- the corners of his mouth curled in that subtle, cute smile of his, and his often intense gaze softened to a warm, calming look. The little girl reacted to it like a flower to the sun, nodding her understanding with the huge smile completely unmoved. 

"Okay Big Bro! But would that make Naoto-senpai big sis?"

He chuckled. "I suppose it would."

"Yaaaaaaayyyy!" Chie dodged the excited wave of Nanako's arms, the youth's joy bubbling over like an overfilled kettle. "Naoto-oneechan would look suuuuuper pretty in a kimono! Ooh, can I wear a pretty kimono too?"

"I think you'd better ask Naoto that."

Suddenly the beaming headlights of the seven-year-old's enthusiasm, Naoto couldn't help but smile. _To think that within a minute of the group finding out about us, I'd be fielding questions about wedding plans._ In the past the very thought would have filled her with enough anxiety to move towns. A lot had changed in the last few months though. What they had all been through... it had changed them as people. Yamato Sumeragi was evidence enough of that.

She met Kanji's eye, taking confidence from the look of support he offered. _He'd probably sew me a shiromuku himself._ She looked back to Nanako.

"I... I'm sure that if that happened, you could wear the prettiest dress you liked, Nanako." Her words were clunky, but the intent seemed to land as Nanako's eyes widened even further. 

_Now for the coup-de-grace_

"Maybe if we ask nicely," she continued, "Rise-san and Yukiko-senpai might even take us out to try some on."

Rise's brow shot up. 

"Really???" Nanako breathed, looking to all the world like a joyfulness bomb about to go off. 

The idol paused in her sulking to fix Naoto with a suspicious look. 

"You'd want _my_ help if you were getting married?"

"Of course," Naoto replied, her confidence building as Rise took the bait. _Well, not bait. I'm not lying, but maybe this will lessen any potential grudge._

"After all, you and Yuki-senpai dress better than anyone I know."

Yukiko was still catching her breath, but let out an 'aww' of appreciation. Rise, on the other hand, pondered for a moment. 

Finally, she grinned. "Well, if I get to play dress ups with the detective prince, then maybe it's not so bad. 'The dashing detective prince turns to a fairytale princess, thanks to the magic of Risette'... Maybe there's a song in that, or even a movie."

Naoto panicked. "Wait, w-what? I said dress ups, not cheap romance plotlines!" 

However, Teddie had already picked up the proverbial ball and, with ground expertly cleared by Rise, he was going to run with it. "WE CAN MAKE A MOVIE!?!?"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later, she sat down to her desk, the new diary for this year looking immaculate and pristine as she pulled it from the drawer beside it's exhausted predecessor. 

Pen poised above it's page, she jumped to hear her phone notification tone. 

_From... Rise?_ She flipped open the phone with a sense of apprehension and began to read. 

_Hey, look I'm sorry about today. Caught me by surprise, I've always been kinda into senpai. I guess I didn't realise you were too. It's hard to see clearly when you've been an idol, I guess._

A brief pause, and then a second message. 

_What that totally didn't get across is that I'm sorry, and I think you two make a really cute couple. Hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable. Let's hang out soon, just us. I'll buy you lunch to make up for it?_

It was a heartfelt message, and truthfully she had been feeling fairly self conscious about that aspect of it all. Choosing her words carefully, she replied, and then continued with her diary. 

_NO HRM DONE, SNDS GR8. C U @ SCHL TMRO, TTYT?"_

__

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 01/22/2012

_Active cases:  
-True identity of Shirogane N.  
Y.S. continues trend of appearing when insights achieved. Influence felt in confidence, self assurance, vigor. Anticipate solution in coming days._

_New cases:  
_

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
**


	8. Shame and Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aware she is running out of time with him, Naoto struggles to take action during the group's ski trip weekend.

Naoto could feel her breath catch in her throat, but tried nonetheless to focus and control her body as tremors attempted to take over. 

"Whoa, S-Senpai...!?"

 _Don't panic, Shirogane._ Despite the focus, she still exhaled sharply in surprise. "What're you doing...?"

Yu flexed his fingers and then reached out, experimentally running his fingertip across the surface before poking it in. 

"That... You should stop doing that." She stammered out, trying to dissuade him. Certainly it warranted further experimentation, but she would prefer during the light of day, when she felt less vulnerable. "I-I mean, this is hardly an ideal location to be trying this...!"

 _It's so cold... is it even safe to try this here?_ Suddenly she gasped in panic, reaching for him desperately as he pushed further. "Stop, before you go too deep!"

But by then, the damage was done. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#### The Previous Day

Shirogane Naoto, famously rational and grounded thinker, was starting to suspect some sort of gods had it in for her. 

_Time cannot possibly pass so unevenly through scientific means,_ she reasoned in an attempt to calm the irritation. _It has sped it's merry way towards the date of Yu's departure, but has dragged it's heels whenever I must spend time without him. Only the cruel attention of some deity could do such mischief._

She continued to get ready, the shared bathroom of their ski lodge hotel room further irritating her with the mess of the other girls. She was not used to such spaces, to all of Rise's cosmetics, to Yukiko's hair pins everywhere, to Chie's... well, Chie's complete inability to assign a location to anything she owned. She loved her friends dearly, but wished she could love them at a slightly greater distance. 

Particularly when, after waiting weeks for this (and her first) ski trip with everyone, she had barely seen Yu all day. She loved Kanji's company, and he was a very patient and helpful teacher, but it was hard to not see Rise demanding Senpai's time all day as personal. 

She let out a frustrated groan, before remembering that it was almost certainly audible. Seeking another way to release the tension, she took a few deep breaths and adjusted her sapphire hair. Flicking a few of the spiky locks across her fringe, trying to find a look that worked. 

A few futile gestures later, she began to suspect that Chie had not been literal in the phrase, "Let your hair down." After all, she never truly had it up. Maybe it was some foreign phrase from one of her movies...

 _Focus, Naoto._ The oft-thought mantra repeated itself in her head, it's new permutation largely unnoticed in her frustration. _This is not an inherent obstacle. No doubt there will be time yet._

Usually, sharing Yu with her friends did not rile her so. Still there was no mystery to the detective; she knew full well why this particular occasion had created tension in her, and it was an internal issue. 

Days of reflection, as well as a few evening rendezvous with Yu on the far too public streets of Inaba, had helped her come to a few decisions. About herself, and about their relationship. She had been striving to tell him about it, but there was somewhat of a new mystery that had occupied most of their conversations. 

One of their friends had disappeared- Marie, the strange girl without a past whom Yu once accompanied about the town. He had explained their meeting to Naoto before, but there was a strange elusiveness to the memory of that conversation. When she queried it further, she found that she was not alone in such an oddity; the memory of Marie seemed to be disappearing from the rest of the Investigation Team too. 

Yu had approached Naoto for advice, but not assistance, in tracking down Marie. When she had asked, he had mentioned another mutual friend who already had a lead, and Naoto had agreed to refrain in case too much investigation spooked the girl. 

Still, a few subtle comments dropped in conversations here and there had net some results- nearly all other members took a few tries to recall her face, and fared but a little better with her name. 

The only exceptions were Yu himself, and Teddie... and that was troubling in itself. Teddie did tend to remember women rather vividly, true, but more pertinently was his own background- a shadow from the T.V. world. His memory remaining clear while everyone else's began to fade painted a grim picture of what may have happened to Marie. Her own stresses and desires had, as usual, taken a back seat to the thrill of investigation. 

Yet even that dark cloud had not stopped them from taking this overdue trip together. It was one of the last times they would have with Yu before he left, and the tendrils of resentment were beginning to creep into the more petulant corners of her mind. 

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

Banging on the door broke the detective from her reverie, and she realised she had been twisting a clumped lock of hair for a few minutes. She called out for another minute, earning an impatient groan from Chie, and then focused on the task at hand. 

_Perhaps tonight I'll be more fortunate._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Get him?" Chie asked in tones as dark as the deepest ocean, swirling in eddies of malice. 

"Yeah... let's finish him off." Rise had never sounded so determined. 

"I'm sorry Teddie..." Naoto's voice ran as cold as the ice outside, her gaze a storm and her trigger finger itching. "Only people have human rights."

She half fancied she could see the bear sweating through his costume.

Teddie clutched his head, trying in vain to retreat from the three advancing women. "Wha... Babes! What's come over you!? Wh-Why're you so mad at me!?"

They had been in the middle of telling scary stories, with Yu about to reach the climax of his when the lights had gone out. Such an occurrence would not have bothered Naoto in usual circumstances, but of course these were quite unlike usual circumstances. 

Having made his first mistake of cutting the lights and pretending to be a ghost, Teddie had followed his error up by doubling down, which had earned him few allies. 

"So it was Teddie... Dammit, he freaked us all out..." Yosuke groaned, forming a impassable wall that prevented the bear's excape. 

Once the bear had been handled, the group settled down a little more. The ghost stories had rattled them all... not counting Yu the impassive or Yukiko the mad, that was. While the idea of taking everyone to bed had been floated there were a few of them who might benefit from another hour or so with the lights on. 

The lull in conversation, and more relevantly in direction, was an opportunity that the detective was ill about to let pass. 

"Ahem. Senpai, if you don't mind," she began in a voice that she hoped was soft yet firm. "I have some information regarding your ongoing case. Might we discuss it over another mug of cocoa?"

 _Huh, that was actually pretty smooth,_ she thought smugly. _Perhaps I really am getting better at this relationship affair._

She could have sworn Yu was grinning, but when she checked back his face was simply in its customary blank stare as he nodded. _It's not a mouth-smile though. It's in the eyes. I can't believe that I used to be unable to see that- he's practically laughing aloud._

Ignoring the stares from some of the others, she got up and moved across to the chairs in a corner by the door while Yu retreived fresh mugs of cocoa. Once they were settled down, it was far enough away from the others that they would _probably_ not be overheard. 

_Still, not ideal for what I would truly like to tell him. I suppose it must suffice._

Already beginning to feel warm underneath his expectant gaze, she shuffled her notebook idly as if searching for a page. 

"Well, um... I wanted to talk to you because... well..." 

_Curses! Why must I get so flustered every single time!? I felt so confident a moment before._

His blank gaze did little to guide her, but in an act of surprising perceptiveness, he reached across and took her hand. "About which case?"

She took some confidence from his look, and inhaled, trying to reset her mind and bring her treacherous thoughts of romance to heel. _Professionalism, and then perhaps intimacy._

She didn't let go of his hand, though. 

"I've reached out to some colleagues in Tokyo, and other towns. Marie-san hasn't turned up in any missing people reports, or unknown individuals. I know someone else is investigating for you," she spoke with hands raised to stifle his interruptions, "but I am the best suited in our group to investigate quietly. Further..."

She paused, looking from his hand to his eyes. A small yet hopeful smile curled the corners of her mouth. "I know this is important to you. I could not let you face it alone. Please inform me if there is anything else I can do."

He returned her smile with one of genuine warmth and appreciation, squeezing her hand once more. "Thank you. I will."

She nodded, satisfied. "Excellent. Now onto more pleasant matters..." 

_Deeps breaths, focus Naoto. You have practiced this, and know he is interested in you. There is no need for cowardice at this stage..._

All these thoughts ran through her head, and she wished heartily that any of them would make a difference. 

"What is the likelihood of us having some time together on this trip... alone?" 

He raised an eyebrow slowly. _Ah, he seeks clarification._

Another hand squeeze in an attempt to reassure him. 

"O-Of course, I'm not requesting a percentile figure, I'm more inquiring as to whether there was an accounted for bracket or, or a dedicated..."

She trailed off in the face of his bemusement, her words fading to shame. "I'm sorry... that wasn't very romantic, I suppose..."

Her head fell, crestfallen, only to be caught by his fingertips and brought back up. As her gaze traveled up from his hands, his stomach, his chest to his face, she was still surprised by how much closer he was when finally they met eyes once more. 

His voice, low and breathy as ever, probably gave the next words far more appeal than she would ever have expected. 

"Percentile figures are the sexiest kind."

Naoto's face could have been used as a Christmas decoration as it flashed from white to red, seemingly undecided as to where to stay. 

"S-S-Se... sexiest?" she managed to choke out, trying to make herself as small as possible. 

_Why would he... out of the blue like that... what nerve... in front of... good gracious!_

Her grey fluttered around the room like a hyperactive moth, trying to ascertain if anyone was paying them attention. _Everyone seems distracted... but how could they be, when he just brazenly mentioned..._

She returned to his gaze, noting with irritation that he seemed to be enjoying the show. 

_The audacity!_

If she focused enough on the irritation, it was nearly enough to override the warmth building in her stomach at his word choice. Something about the way he had said it had incited a reaction in her body that was unquestionably _not_ appropriate for the current situation.

She wrenched her hand away from his subtly. "Why would you say that?" She grumbled, trying to express her frustration while deathly anxious of being heard. "I was _trying_ to be romantic! I understand that I may have made a misstep or two, but my intentions were both clear and... urgh!"

The final grunt was in response to Yu trying to hold back his amusement. She could see it beginning to creep from the corners of his eyes, a slight crinkle that betrayed the desire for raucous laughter. 

"Naoto," he began, in a naked attempt to soothe her irritation. "I'm hoping for some time alone too. I've missed you too."

She grunted in response, but as he reached for her she allowed him to take her hand once more. "You have?"

"Of course." He responded, kneading the muscles of her hand between his fingers. 

_I hadn't realised how tense my hands were from the ski poles..._ she mused as his hands brought her own ones some much needed relief. _Actually, my legs are aching too, not to mention my bu... oh!_

She looked up at him again, bright red, wondering if there was any likelihood he had read her thoughts. 

"You look like you're enjoying this." 

His words were like a gunshot on a quiet night. _He knows!_

"Your first time skiing... you must be feeling sore. Do you need a massage?"

Naoto held her panic in check, keeping their public location in mind as she formulated the correct response. "I... am quite sore, yes. Oh, but it's fine! I'm sure I'll manage! We can't really... we couldn't really... um..." 

She trailed off again, and thankfully, he seemed to drop the issue. _I can't imagine the colour I'd turn if he tried to work the worst knots out right now. Definitely nowhere within a kilometre of Teddie, either._

She tried to centre herself once more, recalling what they had been discussing before she had such... _graphic_ thoughts about muscle relief. _You can do this, Shirogane. Try again._

A deep sigh found her relaxing into his touch, and trying to calm down enough to speak once more. 

"Well... yes. I've missed you, Senpai." Her voice had lowered, but it was not the affected male voice that she frequently used. It was, even to her ears, decidedly feminine, and she was slightly shocked at how mature she sounded. 

"I know it's only a few days until valentine's day... but since we're up here, I thought if the chance presented itself it could be nice to have a few moments to ourselves... somewhat like if we were on holiday as... as a c-couple." 

The blue haired girl adjusted her cap self consciously, both proud of getting the sentence out and embarrassed at it's content. Still, he wasn't reacting negatively at all. 

"Huh," he replied, "I hadn't thought of it like that. That sounds nice."

"It does?"

"Of course." He smiled back at her. "When I go back home, those sorts of holidays would be a good way to spend time together anyway."

"Ah, yes, I agree." _I don't really want to consider how things will be when you're gone. At the moment, everything feels special, every day exciting. Without you..._

"I... I suppose we should rejoin the others." Chie and Rise looked like they were getting ready for bed, and she wasn't sure if she could handle the rumours if she didn't join them now. _Not that I'll avoid rumours if I go with them..._

"Hold on a minute, Naoto."

"Huh?" She turned to him, watching as he reached back across his chair to the switches. No one else seemed to be paying attention, only her, and he met her shocked gaze with a smile before flicking the switch. 

The room was plunged into darkness, eliciting shrieks from the group. In the chaos of the dark, her ears were overtaken by voices shouting for light, for safety. All that chaos which turned to background fuzz when she felt Yu pull her closer and press his mouth to hers.

 _Oh my, his lips are so warm..._ She leaned into him, and felt his arms snake around her back in reward. _Who cares what else is going on?_ Momentarily unconcerned with her friends' panic, she gave herself to him, and for a few brief seconds they were both overtaken. 

His mouth crushed against hers, his tongue pressing against the barrier of her teeth like it had the other day. The sensation was still new to Naoto but she was thoroughly sold on the concept, and opened her mouth to respond in kind. The small girl had always read _these_ parts of the stories with a fair bit of skepticism and confusion, but she couldn't help but notice how gentle he was, how intimate and soft the feeling of his tongue pressed against hers could be. 

It felt strange, but she wanted to taste his mouth, to explore him, to _understand_ him on a biological level. His hands seemed to have the same idea, one of them snaking around her back to pull her in while the other moved to just above her knee. He kept his touch respectful, but even as his hands kneaded the muscle gentle she whimpered into his mouth. 

She couldn't tell if it was genuine physical relief from the sore muscles or a deeper more inhibited need, but she was having a hard time not reacting audibly to his touch. Not only that, but she could hear footsteps approaching, so knew it was time to break it off. 

Regretfully, she pulled her mouth away, feeling his last tender kiss brush her lips before he released her. She rapidly began to rearrange her clothing and hair as he reached back in the dark, and then suddenly they were all visible once more. 

"Just a prank by a passer by, I think." Yu commented idly as eyes fell to him by the door. 

"Are you okay, Naoto-kun?" Yukiko asked as her eyes found the detective. "You seem a bit breathless."

"U-Uh, yes... quite alarmed, but otherwise fine." She muttered, taking the chance to adjust her hat and hair. "Just alarmed."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naoto could have slept better that night. That was, by the time she _got_ to sleep. 

The girls wanted to stay up chatting, and feeling like she had not spent enough time with any of them recently either, she stayed up to participate. It was usual fare for the group; nothing too risqué, certainly nothing salacious as the boys would no doubt wish to hear.

Still, there was a certain intimacy afforded by not only their shared hardships but also the hidden knowledge they each had of each other. Naoto had been the last to join the group, and as such she lacked the first-hand knowledge of each girl's shadow-self. Still, they all knew through hearsay and anecdotal evidence what had manifested in each, and that part of each girl crept into their conversations as ever. 

Naoto, for her part, was far more vulnerable around the girls than she was around the boys. Her innocence, her feelings of immaturity and childishness that she felt such shame around, was never criticised or attacked. Not even by Rise, who had not quite gotten over Naoto's relationship with Senpai. As a result, she tended to worry less about others perceiving her as 'grown up' when she was just with these girls.

Rise flitted between versions of herself based on the conversation, but tended to be far more open about her wants. Without worrying too much about boys reading into her words, she was certainly the most forward of the group, and the most touchy-feely. She had done relatively well in only spending a few minutes complaining about her bust compared to Naoto's, and saying that if she wasn't built like an idol that she might have been with Yu. 

Naoto declined to comment. 

If Rise was the most forward, then Yukiko was the most irresponsible. She had managed to find a mini-bar in their accommodation that had been swiftly confiscated by Chie, but was nonetheless happy to act the part of drunk schoolgirl. She... talked, a _lot_ , about boys, but didn't seem to have an adequate lexicon to do more than talk. Everything she spoke about, all her wants and idle thoughts, were phrased as if they came from a daytime TV drama... not that Naoto could comment on it at all. She was hardly any better. 

Chie oscillated between taking care of the others and self consciously preening. She would try to discourage anything foolish, but also seemed overly invested in proving that she could do anything the other girls could... and with Yukiko and Rise as role models, that was a risky business. The detective wondered if that was how Kanji fit in with the boys group- going along with it for the sake of the performance. Still, her self consciousness was prevalent enough to withstand the worst suggestions, so most of the other's poorest suggestions were foiled. 

So, as a result, the four of them mostly sat and talked, interspersed with occasional activity. Naoto was not, as a rule, a person who interacted by touch often, but even she felt qualified to say they were a touchy group. Right now, for example, Yukiko was combing out Rise's hair while Chie got the worst knots out of Naoto's calves. 

"You gotta stretch before tomorrow, Naoto-kun. It's like any martial arts training. Sure, you can do it, but you'll hurt yourself if you're not limber enough."

"Mmhm." Naoto replied stiffly, trying to hold back fantasies of Yu rubbing her legs like this... moving up... _and up..._. "Perhaps you can demonstrate tomorrow morning!?"

Chie flinched, mistaking Naoto's clipped tones for pain. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No no! Just... not used to this sort of thing." _Or any physical contact between friends, really..._

"Well you'd better get used to it soon." Rise chimed in, sipping from a flavoured water bottle as Yukiko's expert hands un-knotted a days worth of tangles. "After all, it's Valentine's day this Tuesday, and then Senpai will be heading off not long after that. You'll miss out otherwise."

"I... um..." The blue haired girl let out a small squeak as Chie worked a particularly sore knot. _That's mostly what caused it, at least. They don't need to know about my weapons-grade anxiety._ "W-We don't have to talk about this... I mean..." 

"Sorry Naoto-kun, it's the weekend before Valentines. Love is in the air, and all that." The idol waved idly as if to demonstrate all the love. "Anyway, all of our friends love you, so if us poor girls want to enjoy the day we have to do it through you. Just how it is. So what plans do you have?"

"Hey!" Naoto felt her leg twist with the force of the tomboy's objection. "You don't know that! Anyway, we can give chocolates to anyone we want."

"Ooh, Chie, have you been making chocolates?" Yukiko wasn't even looking at Rise's hair anymore, her fingers long practiced at doing the task blind. "Who for?"

"Wh-What?" Chie suddenly began to blush furiously. "I never said that! Anyway, Rise-chan was asking Naoto-kun a question, it's rude to interrupt."

Yukiko snorted, but Rise only shrugged. "See, Naoto-kun?"

"I don't... I don't know what you're talking about." The detective sulked, giving her other leg to Chie as she replied. "It's patently ridiculous to have you jealous of me, anyway. Not only that, but just because I'm d-dating Senpai... He's just one guy, there are many more who would fall over themselves for your attention."

"But _what_ a guy..." Yukiko sighed, eliciting a grin from the idol. 

"Sure, there probably are, but would _you_ be interested in anyone else from Inaba? I suppose some of the guys on the sports teams are kinda cute, but no-one else gets it, you know? Gets me, or any of us. The choices are kinda limited. And of those..."

She raised four fingers, checking them off with each name. "There's Kanji-kun, who is sweet but has always had eyes for you. Yosuke-Senpai, who likes every girl, but entered you in a beauty pageant, so that's a sign..." 

"He entered all of us..." Chie grumbled quietly. 

"There's Teddie..." 

All four of them shuddered slightly at the thought of intimacy with Teddie. He was a nice boy, but... _Uh. No. Please._

"Which just leaves Yu-Senpai. Who is perfect, and is dating you. So, I think you owe us some details."

"That doesn't seem quite fair..." Chie commented uncertainly, but Yukiko was nodding sagely. "It is perfectly reasonable."

"Th-This is ridiculous!" Naoto exclaimed, trying to find a loophole. "The assumptions you've put in the suggestion leave me no room to debate!"

"We could play a party game?" Yukiko suggested excitedly, her hands un-weaving Rise's hair even faster as she spoke. "Truth or dare, or, or the Kings Game again? Then it would be more fair?" 

"Not a chance. Have you inspected how thin the walls are?" The detective shook her head emphatically. She could feel her heart beating in her chest, a deafening tattoo not unlike what Yu himself made her feel. "It's all hard enough without having to explain it to other people!"

"I'll bet it is..." Yukiko snickered to herself, and Chie reached across to slap her on the leg. 

Rise took the moment to reach out to Naoto. "It's okay. I'm not going to push, I just... have a think about it. It's gotta be pretty scary to be going through all this for the first time after... you know. I'm just joking around, but really, if you ever need to chat to someone your age, we're all here." She leaned in a little further while the other two were busy arguing, and whispered, "especially if you want some suggestions."

The detective sighed, her anxiety calming down far quicker than usual. _Maybe these sorts of conversations could be a good thing?_

She continued thinking it over before eventually smiling back at Rise. "Thank you, Rise-san. I'll keep that in mind."

"Okay." The idol desisted, leaning back and guiding Yukiko's hands back to her copper tresses. "By the way, Naoto-kun... That's a cute pyjama shirt you have there, but I've never seen you wear anything that isn't tailored. It makes your boobs look great!"

Naoto blushed at both the compliment and the secret knowledge of where the shirt came from. "Thanks," she replied with a shy smile, "they didn't have my size. Still, I love it."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day on the slopes was a series of disasters one after another. 

She had, in a rare flash of social confidence, suggested that they (by which she meant, she) should get to spend more time with Senpai, but it quickly devolved into everyone demanding their share of time. Only Yosuke seemed to have understood her meaning, and managed to control it before everyone got out of hand. The result was that she got to spend a little more time with him, but not as much as she had hoped. 

Mostly, it had taken the form of Senpai and Rise accompanying Kanji as he taught Naoto to ski some more. Though, despite his competence as a teacher, she just didn't seem to get it- she tried all morning to make it work, but would fall over, get her legs caught too wide, or end up going the wrong direction. All in all, she made nothing but a fool of herself in front of Senpai and the rest, which made her not want to do any more at all. 

Still, Yu had eventually taken her aside and offered to take her on a few slow runs down the slopes. She did better with just him, but that was akin to congratulating a fish on swimming further up the shore with high tide- it was little to do with skill and more to do with setting. 

_Still, I suppose progress is progress._

Yu hadn't seemed to mind, which had also helped a lot. In fact, the way he smiled at her made her forget the cold altogether. She couldn't deny either that riding the ski-lift with him to the top of the mountain felt romantic, like in an old movie. She could half imagine taking him on a ferris wheel ride or something similar... perhaps when she visited him in the city. 

The old Shirogane Naoto would never have come skiing for fun. The old Shirogane Naoto would have had no time for anything like this, and would have felt fully justified in scorning anyone who acted purely for enjoyment... but the old Naoto had no friends either. Certainly no boyfriend. 

When she told Yu her thoughts, he simply responded, "Let's make it just us next time." 

It was yet another moment where she felt overwhelmed with emotion for him. _I suppose those are just part of life now. If so, they are a good part._

Of course, she'd answered like a fool once more, but had swiftly corrected herself... so perhaps that showed signs of improvement.

After all that, she thought the day might be looking up, but again, disaster. They had attempted to return to the lodge during the afternoon, but got lost somewhere along the way. The snow picked up, the sky was getting dark, and a second day of skiing had fatigued Naoto's body to the point of exhaustion. Not only that, but even without ski experience she had read books set in the mountains. Books where people disappeared in caves, or fell into hidden rivers underneath fresh snow, or simply froze to death. 

Suffice it to say, these thoughts did not aid morale.

When they finally found a cottage of some kind, it was abandoned and cold. Still, it was shelter from the wind and snow, so she couldn't help but feel thankful. 

"Are you scared?"

His question broke her from her anxious reverie. She shivered, but shook her head. "About it not being locked? True, that does sometimes lead to crime or assaults. But we should be all right. I don't suspect anyone is here." She looked about the place darkly. "If there was, it would be warmer in here."

He nodded in agreement. Still, he wasn't entirely wrong. She was feeling scared, but not of people. Simply the cold. She was unused to it, and while they were sheltered the temperature was still freezing in the cabin. She was exhausted, and all she wanted to do was lie down, but she feared if she did...

She checked her phone, even knowing that it had died during their trek. A quick question revealed that while Yu's had battery, it was out of range of any towers. Either that, or the snow was cutting off the signal. 

Rarely did Naoto panic in genuinely dangerous situations. Her anxiety was nearly always socially based, entirely dependent on her inability to be herself around others. In situations of survival, she was usually far calmer. That instinct seemed to be holding true, but she could not deny a mounting dread. 

The cold was a genuine threat, one that could kill or injure them both if not managed properly. She told him as much while thinking through ways they could warm up. 

_There seems to be no power currently on in this cabin, so no electric heating... in fact, barely anything electrical except for a tiny old television set. I can see no gas systems either, nor blankets lying around. What else might work? If this was a matter damp clothes or something..._

The hair on the back of her neck flared up in alarm as the ramifications of _that_ particular thought chased through her brain, and she turned from Yu to hide her blush. 

"B-By the way, um..." She took a short breath, hating that this was the way that these thoughts came up. She had spent so long dreaming of how she might one day find herself with Yu in less clothing, and it had to come up in _this_ of all contexts. 

"Warming each other with our bodies..." she stammered out, "w-would be ineffective in our case!"

Misunderstanding his spacey look of vague surprise, she elaborated. "Th-That only works when your clothes are wet, or one person's body temperature has been significantly lowered... uh...."

Her brain finally caught up with her mouth. "Right... No one asked for details... Sorry."

The last word was barely a whisper, but she finally found the courage to turn back to him. Pushing away the more intimate thoughts that suggestion had conjured, she finally noticed that there was a sunken hearth in the floor. 

It took some effort, as all the fuel they could find was cold, but most of it was still dry. After a few attempts they managed to get a small blaze going. Together, they slumped down, tired but adequately warm for now. 

Sitting back on her incredibly sore butt, she looked across at Yu. He was staring into the fire, though whether he was exhausted like her or it was simply his usual blank stare, she didn't know. 

_Either way, it makes no sense for him to be there and me here. We could be here for a while... and it could get cold again, after all._

Having thus rationalised her decision, she slid across to be next to him.

_My, even being this close to him is nice. Why does he make me feel like this!? Nnnyhhh..._

"Th-This is, well... a more effective way to get warm...!" She commented, in a relaxed and absolutely not neurotic fashion. "We can't let any last bit of heat go to waste, after all! Heh..."

 _Shirogane, you fool. Now you seem desperate._

She looked hopefully into his eyes, terrified to see rejection there, but he simply nodded. She exhaled, a deep sigh of relief at his acceptance. 

_I know it shouldn't surprise me now, yet it often does... Will there come a day where his affection does not catch me off guard?_

Knowing already she didn't have an answer to that, she turned her mind instead to their predicament. 

"Where could we be...?" She asked aloud. "I thought that we'd been walking towards the lodge..."

She frowned. "Even once the blizzard settles, it's risky to walk around in the mountains at night. It seems we have no choice but to stay here."

_So then we're stuck. He, and I._

_Together._

_Alone._

_Oh._

A warmth completely unrelated to the fire grew in her, from her chest and... other places. _This is hardly the ideal version of what I hoping for, but it still meets many of the criteria..._

"Strange... We're in quite a pinch, but some part of me is actually enjoying this."

She murmured the words, but they were so close he could not have missed them. _Even Yu isn't that oblivious. Perhaps..._

"All alone with another, stuck in a mountain cottage for an entire night..."

_My heart is pounding, my mouth feels so dry. All those thoughts I had been keeping back... those curiosities... Now is certainly not the time, of course, but then again..._

She squeezed her legs together, noting a slight discomfort with a combination of shock and interest. 

"Yikes... I think this feeling is referred to as the "suspension bridge effect"..." 

He shrugged, and all of a sudden she realised she had said it aloud. _No! Does he know what that is? I didn't mean to say that, I would never... is he thinking about that now? Does he know..._

Years of internalised shame and cultural propriety groaned like chains under pressure in her mind as the thought broke free, thankfully in the silence of her mind this time.

_Did I just tell him how aroused I am?_

Her face burned red once more, but truthfully she wasn't sure if that would be a relief or a further shame. After all, whether it was appropriate or not, he _did_ make her feel that way. She had never really felt that before him, and it had scared her at first, but the month since New Years had been more than enough time to research and learn. 

She wasn't sure what she was ready for yet, if anything. His kisses still brought her to her knees sometimes, and part of her couldn't imagine ever being more open about some of those... desires with him. 

Another part of her, though, it craved his knowledge. Rise hadn't been entirely wrong- Naoto knew how Yu made her feel now, and could no longer deny that she hoped his reaction was similar. She hadn't exactly fantasised about it in a graphic sense, but the thought that she excited him like he did for her had certainly kept her warm on cold nights. So much so that a dangerous concept, the thought of simply offering herself to him, had begun to form in her head with a troubling persistence.

_The question is, am I bold enough to be open with him?_

"S-Senpai..." The voice that escaped her lips would have been foreign to her a year ago. It was high, breathless... full of want. Still, she struggled to find the words. 

"Um..."

 **krrrshhhwwhhhhhiioouwwwrrrrrkkk**

The noise and accompanying flash of light came from nowhere... _No, not nowhere. The television._

All of the romance left her, to be replaced by unease. 

"That... turned on right now, correct? Why...?" 

Yu shrugged, but looked at the T.V. with the same concern. "Let's go check it out."

"Yes. I can't pretend it didn't happen." 

As with the case of Marie-chan, Naoto put her emotions aside. _They can, and must wait._

Together, they got up and moved towards the television. As they stepped away from the fire, she could feel the biting chill once more take hold. 

They inspected the small T.V. unit, but it took little time to establish it wasn't plugged in. _That is... disquieting. After all, we defeated Ameno-no-sagiri... What more could the T.V. world want from us?_

No sooner had the thought crossed her mind than Yu's hand began to hover over the screen. That same mounting dread from before began to build up in her once again, and suddenly she felt the urge to shudder, though from the cold or fear she did not know.

Naoto could feel her breath catch in her throat, but tried nonetheless to focus and control her body as tremors attempted to take over. 

"Whoa, S-Senpai...!?"

 _Don't panic, Shirogane._ Despite the focus, she still exhaled sharply in surprise. "What're you doing...?"

Yu flexed his fingers and then reached out, experimentally running his fingertip across the surface before poking it in. 

"That... You should stop doing that." She stammered out, trying to dissuade him. Certainly it warranted further experimentation, but she would prefer during the light of day, when she felt less vulnerable. "I-I mean, this is hardly an ideal location to be trying this...!"

 _It's so cold... is it even safe to try this here?_ Suddenly she gasped in panic, reaching for him desperately as he pushed further. "Stop, before you go too deep!"

But by then, the damage was done. 

The door burst open with a crash, and all of their friends came running in... and chaos took over once more.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 02/13/2012

**_Note:_ ** _Unable to record entry for previous days due to lack of privacy. Current entry covers activities of dates 02/11/2012 - 02/13/2012_

_Active cases:  
-Missing Person: 'Marie' (1)  
-Course of action re. N.Y. departure (2)  
-Perfect formula (3)  
_

_(1) 'Marie' located by another. Found willingly in the T.V. world, with suicidal intention.  
Was successfully convinced to return with us, safe.  
Recurrence of previously unknown facet of T.V. world troubling, but Marie potentially a reliable informant.  
(2) Direct course of action prompted insufficient progress. Attempts to circumvent intellectual obstacles proving difficult.  
Will attempt again after tomorrow's presentation; research suggests this is optimal time. Report to follow.  
(3) 7th attempt yielded most satisfactory results yet. Unable to attempt 8th try in time frame, and running low on ingredients.  
Packaging prepared for the morning; report to follow._

_New cases:  
_

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
**


	9. The Taste of Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naoto celebrates her first Valentine's day, and makes some memories with Yu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick preface to this chapter-  
> This contains probably the only 'smut' in the story. There is nothing too intense, but a fair bit of description and implication of what _does_ happen.  
> If that makes you feel uncomfortable, feel free to skip this chapter.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

The cool wind blew gentler than she expected as they stood upon the shoreline. They were both dressed in their casual winter clothes, which Naoto supposed was nice. _A little more romantic than our school uniforms, I suppose_. 

The day thus far had been as awkward as she had feared. She remembered, year after year, the posturing of poor young women forced to declare their affection in public for boys who would collect chocolate like trophies. Some tended to give out more than just one, leading them to be socially branded as promiscuous or similar, even if it was just to their friends. Others, like herself, didn't participate, and were similarly ostracized. 

Meanwhile this year the other girls in the group had offered her assistance in purchasing or acquiring chocolates, clearly sensing her ignorance. _Perhaps I should have accepted their help... it may have been another chance to be closer to everyone._

She sighed softly into the breeze. She had instead worked on her chocolate alone, trying to learn the obscure rituals of Valentine's day with minimal chance for embarrassment. A fine plan that had fallen to pieces once at work. 

First, her adorable packaging had been far too conspicuous to carry around school all day, so she had been forced to discard it. 

Second had been the time and place to give them to him; Senpai usually loitered in the classroom after school, and from her completely reasonable and not suspicious vantage point, Naoto had seen Kanji-kun and then Rise-san make their way up to the classroom. 

That latter one had motivated her. Rise had promised she would stop trying to date Yu, but Naoto knew better than to think there wouldn't be a special box of chocolates in the idol's bag for him.

So, she had made her way to the second floor classrooms, hoping to find the daring on the way. On one of the steps, perhaps. 

That had not gone... as well as she had hoped. So, they were now at the beach.

_I wish I hadn't needed to go this far to tell him... but we're alone here. That matters._

They hadn't spoken much since they arrived, but since it was her who had asked him to the beach, she felt the need to break the silence.

"It's quiet..."

_Potentially the worst thing to say when trying to distract from the silence. Focus, Naoto._

"Um... Sorry about what happened back at school. I didn't have to say it like that, in front of everyone, but... I was just so nervous about today."

She groaned softly to herself, trying to force down the embarrassing memory. In front of everyone, she had almost given him the gift, but...

 _In the middle of his classroom? In front of everyone?_ She had addressed him, but between the nerves and her usual anxieties, had sounded like a 10-year-old from the moment she had opened her mouth. _They all knew I would be giving him... how could they not have known that I would, but... and after that comment from Rise about how 'I'm not the kind of person who gives chocolate to just anybody'..._

"Ugh." She grunted, irritated and upset. _Perhaps I should have had more confidence, perhaps it was fine. Still, this is better. Easier._

She fished herself out of her oceans of doubt and back to the moment at hand. "A-Anyway, here." Reaching into her satchel, she withdrew the plain dark blue box and handed it to him. 

He didn't need to know this was the eighth attempt. It was, to her mind, her best attempt, but she had been spooked by some of what the other girls had said about how 'personal' valentine's chocolates should be, and kept trying to iterate on the recipe. Finally, having run out of time and patience, she had relented and made it exactly as described in the book, to the milligram. Unsurprisingly, that had turned out the best, so she had instead spent her remaining evening the previous night trying to decorate them as much as possible in an attempt to add her own touch.

"I... At first, I had it all wrapped up in some cute little package." She began in a vague attempt to justify the simplicity of it's aesthetic. "But I took it off, because it was too embarrassing carrying that around."

Yu gave her a mild and pleasant smile. "Sounds like you."

 _What does that even mean!?_

"O-Oh..." she stammered. "But... maybe I should have kept it the way it was."

She was increasingly aware that she was still holding the box, arms fully outstretched, like some sort of shop mannequin. 

"Still, I made it with you in mind. Please accept it." 

He took it from her, his eyes staring into hers as if reading her every thought. She blushed. _If he truly was reading my thoughts... would he kiss me? I could ask for no greater thanks than to feel his lips on mine..._ He said nothing, continuing eye contact. _Come on, Naoto, be brave. Tell him what you want._

"And... um... well... if you could..."

"Let's eat it together."

She blinked in surprise. _Did he think that's what I was going to ask?_

It took her only a second to gather herself, realising that for better or worse, he had saved her the embarrassment of asking. "Oh, of course!" she replied, painfully chirpy.

They sat down together on the steps while he opened up the box. _He seems to like the design I went with... All my time with electronics has given me a steady hand for etching, it seems. That's good... but what about the taste... what if he hates it?_

He handed her a piece before popping another into his mouth. 

_He hates it. He hates it, I've ruined everything, I knew I should have tried again, he's grimacing in pain... wait. No. That's a smile. He likes it?_ She tried the piece he had handed to her. _Oh, oh my. That is... I'm actually quite pleased with this!_

"I guess I did an okay job." She commented as he took another piece. "I mean, what did I expect? I made it exactly the way the book said to..." 

She sighed. "I started out wanting to make something that reflected how I really felt, but I couldn't think of anything..."

 _Come on, Naoto. Tell him._ For the last few months, ever since that day high on the hill overlooking town when they had found her pocketbook, these thoughts had been consuming her. 

_How can I be the detective prince and also his girlfriend? Do I even want to be both? Do I want to be either? If not, who am I?_

It had become such a fixation, this identity crisis, that she even wrote it up as a case in her journal. Still, she felt like she had finally come to a sort of crossroads, where she could solve it. 

The answer had been in front of her from the start, but her perspective had been wrong. She had been looking for an answer, a fully formed identity, she could present to him for approval. All the while remaining terrified that once she had found all the elements of herself she wanted to encourage and embrace, she might have cut out the very things that drew him to her. 

_That's not the answer at all, though. There is no way I can be Shirogane Naoto the partner without his help. It's not about finding who I am. It's who I want to be._

"When I'm with you... I start to lose sight of the identity I've created for myself. I'm blurring, becoming something new. I want to be happy with who I am... But I want YOU to be happy with who I am too... and then, I start wondering if I'm changing myself for my benefit of if I'm doing it for your approval... and what that means about me."

She paused, a shy smile creeping across her face as she looked back to him.

"I think... I want you to help me figure out who I really want to be. Because I know that you're happy with who I am, then I don't need anyone else's approval but my own."

That was really it. The thesis, the mission statement, the case's resolution. She would not seek his approval nor her own in isolation, but would ask his help in building a new Shirogane Naoto. One she could be proud of, and he could love. 

He shrugged and just kept smiling at her. "You're fine just the way you are."

She paused, not knowing entirely what to say. _I bare my heart to him, and his response is that he likes me now?_

"So... you're saying that... you like who I am now?"

She looked down at the sand again, avoiding his gaze and feeling herself blush furiously again. "I don't need to change myself for you?"

 _Of course he does. He's always said it, but I've been spending the last few months tying myself into knots over how to be true to myself without driving him away. For nothing... like a fool._

Tears threatened her eyes as the weeks of frustration buckle under the weight of acceptance. "I'm so immature. I hate it..."

Trying to find solace in the sea rather than the ground, she let out a few deep breaths. _Everything is okay. I came here today hoping to find acceptance, to be able to stop pretending and simply be open. Today, of all days, I should just be able to be here, with him, as a couple. To be his girlfriend. Why has such an obvious thing been so hard for me to grasp?_

She still felt shy, but managed a small smile. "This is the first time I've been in love. So matters of the heart are still... difficult for me.

He didn't respond verbally. Instead, he reached across and took her hand. She could feel the tingles of happiness creeping up her arm as he did so, filling her heart again. _I don't need to be frustrated. I don't need to be self conscious._

Together, the listened to the waves, and Naoto thought. Thought about all the time she had wasted in indecision. All the people who had wanted to be here with him, and he chose her. All the times she had hesitated telling him how she felt, opening up to him, being vulnerable around him. 

And, in the dark corners of her mind, a decision was made. _No more. Not today, at least. He's done nothing but support me... I'm incredibly lucky to be here. With this incredible boy, and his incredible heart._

"But... you've always got me figured out." Her words carried a lightness to them, a mirth that was previously missing. _You're almost there, Naoto._ I'm _almost there. Maybe it's time to just let it happen._

Her voice rose in pitch as she dropped the weight of her own pretenses. In place of the usual rasp, it was breathy, light, feminine. "You're a master detective... or a spy..."

She trailed off, a faint smile on her face. _Let go._

"It's not fair, stealing just my heart. If you're going to take part of me..."

The next words were scarce more than a whisper. 

"...Take all of me."

Their eyes met, the increasingly ragged breath in her chest louder to her than the rush of the waves. 

Nervously, she bit her bottom lip, her teeth gently pressing into the tender flesh even as her tongue pressed against them.

Like glimpses of heaven, his eyes shone blue as those four words hung heavy in the air. 

_"Take all of me."_

They crashed together like waves in a storm. 

Every time they had been together, fear and anxiety had held them back. Fear of who she was, of whether she was worthy, of if she even be a woman he wanted let alone the one he desired. So many fears, doubts, a lifetime of tension twisting her like the wires in a suspension bridge. Leaving her knotted, kinked beyond repair, impossibly craving a release she would never achieve. 

Or so she had thought. 

This time, she gave herself over to his kisses, and more. She moaned into him as he claimed her, his lips parting hers, their tongues dueling like fencers in an adventure novel vying for supremacy. He tasted like fine, homemade chocolate and love, and she wanted more.

For she was not passive in this action, not this time. Previously, she had struggled to hold even the confidence to meet his kisses... now, that person was unrecognisable. She didn't just want to be kissed, she wanted him. She was ravenous for him. 

Hungrily, she pushed back against his mouth, the small girl applying herself to matching his intensity as she tasted the lips of her lover. Tingles chased across her senses, threatening to overload the anxious detective, but a rush of adrenaline had taken hold of her and swept her onward ahead of her fears like a surfer before a break. 

_Even if just for today, I will give myself to him._

Her sensitive lips felt almost electric with sensation, and her tongue grazed deliciously against his teeth. She could absently feel his breath upon her face, her cheeks beginning to burn with heat, his hands reaching around her body. They made out desperately upon the concrete steps, as if to break contact was to die and they were striving for immortality. 

_I want this... this is what I need. I want to be more than just his Valentine's date, I want to be the Psyche to his Eros, to be captured and spirited away and win his love forever. I want to claim him, and to be claimed, and to know what it is to be a woman by his touch._

Ever hungrier, she returned his feverish kisses, hedonistic want colouring her soft moans as she cried out to him in his mind. _I love you, I love you. For every soft and charming memory you carry of me when you board that train, remember also this woman who would be yours._

She closed her eyes once more, feeling his fingers slide up her neck and into her hair, feeling the lightness as her cap was knocked from her head by kneading grasp. Even as his fingers lightly pulled her hair, all she could feel was the growing heat in her body and face that begged to be closer to him. 

Her own fingers hooked in behind his head, holding him to her in a way that mirrored every fantasy she had been unable to shake for weeks. Even with the chilly caress of the wind from the sea, she was too hot. This was too much, and yet _far_ too little to soothe. 

_Yet I cannot bear to break away..._ She thought foggily as his mere touch robbed her of clear thoughts. 

A few gasped half-words and he paused, his own face as flushed as hers when he finally pulled back far enough to see. His usual flat hair was messed up, making him look _so much better. How is that possible_ Her attraction toward him had always been far more intellectual and emotional than physical, but as she looked at him she could feel... reactions. 

"Um... uh... Sen... Yu..?" She breathed out, trying to find any air in her lungs. 

He grunted in response, his own breathing seeming as compromised. His eyes burned with an intensity that she rarely saw outside battle, and she was scared and aroused by it in equal measure. 

"This might be a b-bit forward..." Each word carried with it a hesitancy born of decorum, something she resented when her mind was as far from propriety as she could remember it ever being, "but perhaps... you have time to stop by my house before you go home?"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An officer of the law, even a contracted one such as the 5th generation of Shirogane detectives, would never dare break even such a simple law as a speed regulation. 

It was therefore surprising how quickly the pair of them managed to make it back to the Shirogane estate, brushing past Kimura on their way to Naoto's bedroom with confidence. Naoto had always seen Kimura as another member of the family, but the look exchanged between herself and the housekeeper spoke to the consequences of speaking up. 

Naoto was, evidently, not to be disturbed. 

The door hadn't closed before she had pushed him against the wall, pressing herself up to him in a combination hug and sheer display of want. As she had said earlier at the beach, she was new to the matters of love, but she was even less versed in more physical affections. Riding a scooter from the beach to her home had therefore created some sensations she had not expected, which while certainly not unpleasant had born a deep aching anticipation to touch him again.

Nonetheless, she broke away from their contact before she lost herself in him once more.

"G-Give me a moment... Get comfortable." She hated that even now, she could not entirely abandon her stammer. 

Quickly, she made her way to the bathroom, and threw off her coat. Much like on New Year's, she was having trouble breathing. For entirely different reasons to usual, she cursed her build as she struggled her way out of the binder. She had taken to wearing it less since being outed as a woman at school, but still wore it for most school days. 

_You'd think I'd be able to take it off a little more efficiently by now._

Her grumbling aside, she finally had it removed. Her breathing coming a lot easier, she could not help but quickly experimenting... 

_Ah! I'm... so sensitive! This... if anything happens... Will I just embarrass myself?_

She dwelt in the thoughts for a few moments before hormones kicked back in. The brief moment feeling herself had stirred her up once more, enough to give back the confidence she had felt at the beach. With new purpose, she went back to her bedroom. 

He was waiting for her on her bed, his own coat abandoned, in a simple button up shirt and pants. Naoto reveled in the intentions she saw reflected in his eyes as she approached. She placed herself beside him on the bed, the intention of straddling implied, but not committed to. Still, her mouth was immediately back on him, kissing him once more and trying to ignore the heavy fabric of her coat and shirt rubbing against her particularly sensitive chest. As he pulled her body against his, a soft whimper escaped her lips at the feeling, but she pushed back into the kiss before he could react. 

Minutes, hours, days passed in her mind as they explored each other once more, but it was still far too soon when they broke apart. She was panting softly, but her heavy breathing turned to breathy moans as his lips moved from hers to her cheek. 

Her eyes closed, basking only in the sensation. Her hat was discarded once more as his lips found her ear, his teeth and tongue exploring the shell and curve of the sensitive skin to her delight. 

_Oh, I've never felt... um... anything like... oh..._ He explored, gentle but insistent, tender but inquisitive, across her face, her hairline, her neck...

_Oh my..._

_...this... uh, I..._

_...heehee... that... that tickles..._

_...heehe-Oh, that... oh_ that _doesn't tickle, that..._

_...uh..._

"Yu, that... mmmmmm..... I... please, more."

Her soft whimpers guided him as his tongue traced her collarbone, traveling still onward, his teeth brushing against the incredibly sensitive skin of her collar. He had only gotten so far by pushing down the collar of her coat and shirt, but it was getting too fiddly. 

Impatient, she reached out for him, her fingers caressing his leg, his stomach, his bicep before finding one of his hands and bringing it to the buttons of her coat. 

Opening her eyes sleepily, she looked down to meet his eyes. "You can free me a little if it helps."

He smiled with his eyes, and eagerly undid her coat. With her free hand, she subtly undid one or two of the lower buttons. As he opened the top up to a very suggestive yet proper height of above her breasts, she instead flicked the entire thing open. Underneath, she still wore a button up shirt, but with the heavy coat open the absence of her binder was immediately apparent. 

After all, the binder usually served as a brassiere, and without it not only was she immediately more feminine, significantly so, but also visibly aroused. 

From the look on his face, she guessed it was the first time he had ever seen a woman so exposed. It was certainly her first time being so visible... she felt far less fear than she expected. His eyes told her she had little to be self conscious about, and each of his touches that followed spoke to a deep yearning to touch her in ways that she hadn't yet permitted. 

His fingers massaging her collar, her shoulders, her stomach, his mouth returned to her collar. She flicked a shirt button or two open teasingly, exposing her pale skin just below her clavicle... His eyes flicked briefly to her cleavage, tantalisingly coming into view, but he managed to restrain himself. 

Finished teasing him for the moment, she closed her eyes again and surrendered to the sensation. The sensation of his mouth teasing the muscles of her neck with twitches and relaxation, the sensation of his hands squeezing the warm skin of her sides under her jacket, the sensation of his hot breath caressing the rise of her breasts as he tried very hard not to kiss her there. 

She had meant what she said, though. Hormones and adrenaline were in the pilot seat of Naoto's mind for the first time in a long time, and if for today he wanted to go further, she didn't mind. _A small part of me aches for it, but this is still our first time..._

That inexperience may have been reflected in Yu's attentions, but her own meant that enthusiasm made up a lot of the middle ground. To her, he was a god of sensuality, and she was ready to be part of his ritual.

His hands rubbed along her side once more, and she took the opportunity to untuck her shirt and lift it for his hand to move underneath. 

"Naoto?" He asked, clearly unsure how much initiative he was supposed to be taking, but she nodded in her daze. Understanding, he excitedly moved his hand up, his fingertips grazing the smooth skin over her stomach. She knew she wasn't likely in such great condition as Rise or Chie, but she was far from unfit and thrilled at his excitement as he traced across her tight stomach. 

Basking in sheer sensation, they moved through activities, from kissing to grasping at each other to Yu exploring her in his own, PG way. That was until a particular touch made her curl up slightly, and his fingers grazed against the underside of her breast. 

Both of them gasped, him in shock and her in delight. _To think, even that felt good! Am I simply starved for touch, or is this how it is every time?_ As nice as it had felt, she was unsure if she could handle much more if that had felt so good. Still, they met eyes once more, seeking their boundaries non-verbally. 

_How far will I let him go?_ She thought idly, knowing already the answer to this particular step. Feeling self conscious but hopeful, she gently took his hand out from under her shirt. He looked disappointed, right up until she continued guiding his hand all the way up to her breast. Over her shirt, she placed his fingertips on the swell of her chest, a pathetic gasp of sensation escaping her as he made contact. 

Electricity shot through her as he grazed her nipple through her shirt, her entire body feeling like she had been hit by a Zio spell. The sensation shot up to her face, making her bright red and her lips tingle, and shot down to her crotch where an embarrassing wave of heat flooded her. After days and days of wanting to be touched, the reality of it was nearly overwhelming. 

Given permission by her overwhelmingly positive reaction, he began to touch her there as his lips returned to kiss her tenderly. She tried to focus on kissing him back, but had only recently discovered masturbation and so was quite unprepared for the sensation of being touched by another. Even through her shirt, his hand manipulating her breast was drawing moans, grunts and gasps from her mouth that escaped into his kisses. 

_This is heaven. This is... I can see why people think about this sort of thing so much!_ Her thoughts came through in clear bursts, glimpses of the sun on a foggy day. _I... I can only imagine what it might feel like to... this would be so distracting, these sensations... oh my... oh..._

He massaged her all over her torso, moving from her breasts to her arms, her back to her neck, her stomach back to her chest. Her own hands began to explore him in return, feeling the muscular build of the slim teenager through his shirt. Touching him was almost as euphoric as being touched herself, stimulating her mind with fantasies even as her own were realised by his hands. 

Time passed unnoticed as they curled together, exploring and loving each other, taking the excuse of Valentine's day as far as they could. She'd never given herself over so fully, but had never _felt_ like this either. 

Still, as the unmarked minutes passed a different sort of tension began to grow. It was still too much to openly admit to him, but she could feel the need between her thighs like a coiled spring, winding ever tighter. Before it had been the need to be with him, to be touched, to be kissed. Now, it was the need to be touched like a woman, for relief.

 _Am I ready for this?_ She debated the point even as his fingers drew mewling whimpers from her throat. It felt cleansing, cathartic, but she needed more. She had only begun recently to touch herself down there, only having the nerve a few times thus far. Was she ready to give herself over to him like that too? 

She looked back at the wonderful, gorgeous boy beside her on the bed. His lips caressed her arm at the moment, kissing the inside of her wrists, while he massaged a hand with one of his own and her back with the other. It felt lovely, but she was beginning to find it difficult to avoid bringing him back to her chest. 

The need was growing far too strong to resist, in fact. _I want to be satisfied, just this once. Even if it's something I can't come back from, just this once..._

 _I know I love him. I know he loves me. I told him as long as he approves of me, then the only other opinion I need is my own. And I feel comfortable with this. For today, I want him to touch me. Therefore..._

She steeled herself, and his eyes instantly sought her face. This close, this in touch with her every muscle, that very moment of focus was something that he too could feel. 

"Is everything okay?" 

His voice was clouded by want too, but concern remained dominant nonetheless. _Even now, in this situation, I know I can trust him to take care of me._ The thought filled her with confidence. 

"Yes... well, m-mostly. I need... I need your help."

He stopped in his actions and moved back up to her eye-level, the intended kindness only adding to Naoto's sexual frustration. She could feel the inferno between her thighs calling her every attention to it's satisfaction, could feel how much her arousal was physically effecting her, and locked her grey eyes with the blue ones of her lover. 

"Senpai..."

_Focus, Naoto._

She took a deep breath, trying to wrangle the lighting shooting through her body that was desperately seeking an outlet. One hand moved to her pants, unbuttoning them swiftly. The other took his and brought it to her stomach, then gently guided it down.

"Take me."

His hand was above her underwear, but she was so turned on it probably felt the same to him. Seconds after she felt the reverent touch of her lover, she was there.

Her eyes closed, and she saw the universe unfold in brilliant rays of light across the inky blackness. 

All she saw was stars, and all she felt was him.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 02/14/2012

_Active cases:  
None_

__

__

_Enough progress made._

_New cases:  
_

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
**


	10. Case Closed

The morning of February 15 was a stressful one for Shirogane Naoto.

She woke, overly hot beneath the heavy covers of her bed, to a horrible feeling. 

_It was all a dream. Everything I went through, the gauntlet that is being a school student on Valentine's day, was all in my head! It must have been... surely, that didn't all actually occur!_

Panic set in as she sat up, eyes darting across to look for the cute and excessive packaging of her gift chocolates... which were absent. Confusion in her eyes, she drew her attention to her calendar, which showed a line marked through the date of 02/14... and then to the floor, where she saw her own coat discarded at the foot of her bed. 

Crumpled. 

Messy. 

Careless. 

_Perhaps I should be concerned that this last clue is the one to cement reality for me._

The consideration was a brief one, followed by overwhelming relief. 

"It wasn't a dream." 

She lay back onto the bed, only now noticing that she was still wearing Yu's shirt. Memories briefly flashed through her mind as her head hit the pillow- the classrooms, the beach, the chocolate, the arrival home... 

_Oh my... what we did... what I did, and what he did to me..._

A deep, insistent heat crept into the body of the young detective as that last memory lingered, like a hint of chocolate on the tongue long after consumption. 

A few moments passed as the memories, and the sensations they evoked, caressed her mind, as familiar as an old lover and even more tender. Slowly, she sighed into the morning air, twisting slightly here, now stretching, now simply picturing the past. 

Eventually, she gathered herself, knowing that she still had school today. As she rose, she could not help but check her phone. 

**_new message from: narukami yu  
text: Good morning. I hope you slept well. I'm looking forward to seeing you at school. Love you._**

She had never felt so loved. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

#### Some time later...

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The young detective ran her fingers through her sapphire hair, the strands parting like lies before the truth. With a sigh heavier than planets, she opened her case journal at the marked page.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

##### Date: 03/20/2012

_Active cases:  
_

*****************************

_"I'm making trouble for you."_

_"I appreciate it, though."_

_"I told myself many times that nothing will change, even if we're apart... But I couldn't convince myself of that after all. I'll remain here in Inaba, Senpai. Of course, from time to time, my services will be required elsewhere... But Inaba is my hometown now. I want to treasure the precious time I've spent with you, solving the case together. The Midnight Channel, Personas, Ameno-sagiri... My duty is to stay here and get to the bottom of these mysteries..._

_"To be honest, the thought of it makes me a bit lonely."_

_She had paused then, the words catching in her throat even then._

_"...And don't forget about me. Please remember the time we spent together... when I confessed my love for you... when you accepted me for who I was."_

_He had nodded, and she believed him. They had another month from that wonderful Valentine's Day until he left, and when it came time to say our private goodbyes... She didn't stutter._

_And then... she had followed a hunch and met up with the other first years, and gone to Junes... and that text message from Adachi... and everything had gone horribly wrong. They had leapt back one last time into the television world... and faced down a monster that called herself a god._

_Finally, she had found answers to the mysteries, and she had paid for it with her life. And he had saved her... saved them all._

__

*****************************

_Active cases:  
- ~~The Midnight Channel~~ _

_-Case completely solved. Detailed file will be written up for the archive._

_New cases:  
_

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
**

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 03/21/2012

_Active cases:  
_

_*****************************_

__

_"Um... I can't quite decide what to do. At first, I only planned on staying here until the case was completely closed. Maybe should stick to my original plan... and take the train back with you, Senpai."_

_That had gotten everyone's attention._

_"Kidding, of course... I couldn't do something like that. It's not as though we'll never see each other again. Feel free to call me any time, even if there isn't a case to solve._

_Dojima-san and Nanako-chan joined them in seeing Senpai off. Emotions ran high, but she had only half been joking. The temptation to simply join him on the train ride back was strong, but... she had to find her next direction alone. Once she had... then maybe she could join him._

_He boarded the train out of Inaba, back to the city. None of them wanted to meet each other's eyes, afraid of what emotions might come spilling out if they connected._

_As the train began to leave, they all ran alongside it, unable to fully let go. For all her stoicism, she was as caught up in the moment as the rest. Still, the train sped on, indifferent to their pleas, until finally it was out of sight, disappearing around a bend._

_She felt sick. She felt robbed of everything, all of a sudden cast adrift in turbulent seas with no where to turn. Deep breathing did little to soothe the pain._

_Rise had reached out, putting an arm around Naoto's shoulder and hugging her close. When the detective had turned her head, she saw tears in the idol's eyes, tracing down towards her delicate chin. They were joined soon by Kanji, who wrapped his arms around them both, then Teddie, and all the rest._

_Naoto sighed forlornly. He was really gone._

__

*****************************

_New cases:  
-I suppose seeking out a new case is my new case. _

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
** __

_She had placed the book down, and groaned aloud. Listless, frustrated, lonely, she ached in her bedroom. Everything looked exactly the same as it had that morning, but felt entirely wrong-_ he _was gone._

_**PINGPING... PINGPING** _

_The phone alerts startled her, but she rushed across to where it sat charging on her bedside table._

__**new message from: narukami yu  
text: HEY BB. SAFE @ HOME. MSSNG U. WAT U UP 2? **__

__**new message from: narukami yu  
text: That's what you text like. I miss you. What are you working on?** _ _

____

____

_She had leaped onto her bed, pressing her face into the pillow to muffle her shouts of delight._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_  
_

####  _Case Journal of Shirogane N._

__

##### Date: 07/28/2012

_Active cases:  
-S.O Liaison- Location of M.S. (ongoing, hiatus)  
-_

_Currently on leave from case, while awaiting visit from N.Y.  
Note: Discuss Junes surprise with H.Y. I remain unconvinced he can execute the plan successfully._

__

*****************************

_She could hardly contain herself. It hadn't been so long since she had seen him, technically, but that hadn't counted. After all, that had been during all of the mess with the Kirijo group, and the subsequent chaos... all of golden week had been a disaster._

_When he had returned again for the summer break, they had gotten a little time together. He was, of course, in high demand, but they were able to steal an afternoon here, an evening there. It was enough to know this was possible, that even without being able to see each other they could still be a couple._

_She had thought her face might split with the force of her smile when he kissed her for the first time in months. All the new clothes that the other girls (and Kanji) had helped her pick out, growing her hair out, worrying less about being seen as feminine... she could rationalise each decision as she made it, but only when he kissed her like that did she feel validated. Whole again._

*****************************

_New cases:_  
-

_Signed,_  
**Shirogane Naoto.  
**

"Why are you reading over that again now?" 

Naoto banged her knee on the underside of the desk, jumping in surprise. 

"Yu! Don't scare me like that!" 

He stood in the doorway behind her, snickering as she rubbed her knee in pain. She glared at him from underneath her fringe, eventually flicking the blue hair to the side so she could fix him with a proper steely glare. 

"You're not helping, you know. I didn't take this time off to just be injured and laughed at by you." 

He stepped into their room, reaching for the case journal in her hand. "Did you take it off so you could spend it looking through last year's case files?" 

Naoto looked down, chastened. "Perhaps not..." She muttered, one hand anxiously pulling at the hem of her coat. "I'm sorry, I _was_ getting ready to head out, I swear... But then something occured to me, and if I didn't check it now, then I may not remember to later, you see, and-" 

"Enough." Yu threw up his hands in supplication. "I know how it goes. Are you ready to head out now?" 

Naoto shifted her clothes slightly, and adjusted her hair. While she kept her cap on most of the time still, she had left it at home for this particular holiday. Instead, her hair hung in a loose ponytail halfway down her back, a sensation that she was still getting used to. Still, he said it looked weird when she hid it under her coat, so she had humoured him. 

In fact, she had humoured him a lot on this trip. The time after he had left had certainly dragged, despite their visits. He came back to Inaba for Golden Week, for summer holidays, and once that subsequent winter. She had visited him once too with Dojima-san and Nanako, and there was the Ai meets Kizuna Festival... still, for the most part, they had been with the rest of the Inaba gang. 

This trip was different. She had taken a week off from the cases she was working on, thanks to some help from an old friend and mentor Touko-san, in exchange for a favour to be redeemed later. Getting the same time off school had been relatively simple. And with that time, Yu had taken her away. 

She had just begun her final year of school, but Yu would begin studying at Tohoku University soon. He was looking to take on his degree with the same level of intensity as always, which she supposed was good. She had assumed they would be resigned to phone communication until the holidays, until her phone rang on the anniversary of his departure the previous year. 

"Let's make sure we have time together before I go to university. Come with me to Hokkaido." 

_A trip like that is not something that one just does on a whim!_ Upon inquiry, he had already booked accommodation, transport, everything. Where he found the money, she was unsure- he had simply responded "Yakuza stuff." 

She had not found it as amusing as he had hoped. 

Still, however he had managed it, they were here now. A week to themselves in Matsumae, an old castle town on the southern tip of Hokkaido. Despite herself, she had to admit, it was very romantic. _The others would be furious._

"Nao?" 

His voice caught her off guard once more, and she woke from staring into space to look at him. He looked very smart in his dark blue pants and grey blazer. She smiled, and nodded. "My apologies. Of course, I'm ready to go." 

She walked over to meet him by the door, putting her shoes on with only a few coy glances cast his way. This was their second day there, but if the first 24 hours had been any indication, it was going to be a very enjoyable trip indeed. 

_For so many years, I was alone. Trying so hard to be the image of the hard-boiled detective, the solitary man who doesn't need anyone... but it was never my true self. Not all of it. Two years ago, I could never have imagined I could be like this. On a holiday with my boyfriend... my partner. Just enjoying the world together, knowing I don't need to pretend anymore. Just comfortable being me, in his company._

_Two years ago, I could never have imagined being this content... or this happy._

Yu's brows shot up, concerned, as he caught her staring at him once more. "Is there something on my face?" 

Naoto woke from her reverie with a tender smile. "Well..." She leaned over to him, lifting onto her toes so she could kiss his cheek. "Now there is." 

Grinning happily, she reached down and linked her fingers through his. 

Together, they stepped out onto the street, and into their future. 

#### Case closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo, boy. 
> 
> Thank you everyone for sticking with me to the end! 
> 
> I really appreciate the amazing feedback I've received along the way, it's been so sweet and supportive. Sometimes this project has just felt like a rambling, chaotic mess, but I've enjoyed it the whole way through. Even if at times it got a little fiddly and hard to write. 
> 
> These characters are so lovely, particularly dear anxious little Naoto. I really enjoyed being in her head, and it's going to be hard to say goodbye- perhaps I might give them an epilogue down the track. For the short term though, this is it. 
> 
> If people are interested, I might put together a reflective notes chapter at the end like I did on my other long form story, Too Cold to Sleep (not a plug, it's a Zelda fic so only check it out if you're keen on that.) I find it really helpful to reflect on this sort of stuff, but I'm never quite sure how interesting it would be to others. Let me know if that's the case- I'm going to take the notes down off the other chapters so as to not clog up the reading experience now it's all done. 
> 
> All my love to those who kept reading throughout, or who find this and enjoyed it. I'm not sure what I'll do next, but happy to listen to suggestions. I'm on no other socials or anything so just comment me here, IDK. :P 
> 
> Finally, if you have any comments, criticisms (respectful please) or feedback on this or any chapter, or indeed the whole story, I'd love to hear it. I'm trying really hard to improve my work, and learning so much by just putting what I have into the ether. I'm always keen to hear feedback of any sort. 
> 
> Take care everyone!  
> C/D

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and especially to those who have left kudos or comments, it means a lot. I welcome all constructive feedback, and let me know if I get anything culturally wrong. I'm learning! 
> 
> Have a great day!


End file.
